Wow, thank you for sharing your vulnerabilties like that. What you said actually made me think of something I learned in yoga class yesterday, that I wanted to share with you, as my cyberyogasister!!! My fellow *yogini*. We were talking about grace, and how grace is always there, and grace is always free. WE do not have to earn it, it is part of who we are, just waiting for us to realize it. We do not get it in exchange for 9 years of good behavior, or whatever. We might think that oh, before I receive grace, I have to do x, y, z and fix a, b, c and work through d, e, f and THEN I will be ready, but we are already ready, right now, and all those things we think must happen first, they are just veils on the heart, waiting to be softly blown away.
All is this to say... *you* are so worthy of love, so ready, so much more than enough. It is H that is confused!!!!!
Also, I *loved* what gypsy said about your daughter! You are so lucky, when I have to think of treating myself like a "little T", with the same love I would have as a mother, it is just an abstraction, but you have a real live lil human D to teach you how to love yourself as much as you love her. I have learned in the past week or so that I am not very kind to myself and I am trying to work on that....
re: being kind to yourself, read "anger" by thich nhat hahn. esp if you liked "living in the light"!!!!
I am SUPER pumped about your resume! Can you tell us more about what kind of positions you are interested in pursuing??? what do you want to be different from your old job? what skills can you take that you already have into a new position??
It's so nice having y'all as friends! We have so much in common. I do wish I could see your beautiful faces.. it would make you feel more real.. but, I guess it's safer not to.
What have I been up to as of late? Well we just had a long weekend so Monday was a holiday (but then since I'm unemployed it didn't really feel different for me).
I've been preparing for a garage sale I'm having this weekend. H said that he's going to help me the day of and he's going to help me price some of the bigger items.
Things with him are the same. I gave a brief update on K's thread.
I find if I think about it too much I get annoyed. He seems to act like he cares/loves me. Always greets me with a hug and kiss... I get "love you" after some phone conversations.. some times I respond with an I love you too.. but not always and I never initiate it. My problem is that he seems to get to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. He has no responsibility. He comes twice a week and once on the weekend. We hang out and spend time as a family (this past weekend we went and saw a movie alone and he called me after to say what a great time he had with me). We have plans to do the garage sale on our own this weekend and next weekend we are supposed to go watch a soccer game just the two of us. He is continuing to include me in what's going on with his work. He wants to know what D2 and I are up to all of the time. I wonder if knowing what we are doing makes him feel like he's still a part of everything without having to make the time to really be here.
I believe I mentioned that I'm going to put our house of for sale. I'm hoping to sell a lot of stuff at the garage sale because D2 and I will be downsizing by moving back into the city. I act like he's not going to be living with us. We are hoping to sell privately if at all possible to avoid paying thousands of dollars to a realtor.
I know you know about the condo we bought that won't be ready for 1.5 or 2 years.. I told H that I was beginning to have feelings for the unit. It was really growing on me and I was finding myself decorating it in my mind.. so I asked him if it would be okay for D2 and I do live there instead of using it as an investment.. I said that D2 and I would rent a place until the unit was livable and he said okay. He actually has told his parents about the purchase and they seem very happy. His mom acts like he’s already moved back in. He did say that he’s not going to have D2 and I living in that cool spread without him (but we’re talking 1.5 to 2 years from now and if he thinks I’m going to live separated for that long he’s completely clueless).
Other than that, I’ve been searching on line for rental units for D2 and I. Ideally I’d like to find some place in the area the condo is being built.. that way I’ll already have daycare and schooling cemented for D2 so that I won’t have to move her again when the condo is ready..
I’ve been working on my resume.. need to begin working on some draft cover letters.. have been visiting with family and hanging with my beautiful little girl!
I have also been reading the boards.. so I have been keeping up with you.. I just find I don’t have much to say these days.
I think that’s all from me!
You guys and girls are wonderful. Thank you for listening and always being here!
Hi W2G, Good to get an update from you. I, like the others, have been wondering how you were doing. Good to hear you are doing well, eventhough you continue to find yourself in limboland. You are taking steps to move forward with or without H. Good for you! Hugs!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
But it sounded to me like things have improved? Before, I remember you were excited because he had bought you a latte.. now he is spending a few days a week with you, regularly saying I love you, arranging dates alone (so not just about seeing D2). Ok so he is still living as a single man.. but perhaps he is slowly creeping back toward being with you, but its not happening very fast!? I know its frustrating, I see alot of my BF at times and he seems to assume I will always be here for him, but I like you wonder how long we can go on in this stage 2. But.. are you still in stage 2, or has their been any stage 3 type stuff? (romancing, kissing, anyting?). With my BF the boundary is still firmly there and no crossing out of stage 2, so I wondered how it is for you?
Glad that he continues to treat you with love though. But yeah, this waiting does suck doesnt it !
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I read your mini update on my thread and came here for more... At least things sound "calm" which is good for you and your D. I like it that you are planning ahead for you girls. And of course that he includes you in your life a lot as it sounds. Hugs & Kisses, K
You don't need to have something to say to post, we want you to tell us you are doing OK... That's all.
