Jak, Is it increased talking what you're shooting for with your H to start with?
It doesn't sound like he was defensive with you. It sounds like he listened to what you said. It sounds like you have some freedom to be more direct with him. He'll let you know when you've gone too far.
Maybe a pattern you need to change, is that you say your piece, and then leave your H unassisted. You then become discouraged because his changes aren't maintained, and then you label it a failure. Once he agrees to work on something small, then hold him accountable by meeting at least weekly (regularly).
You're going to need to change how you're measuring progress. You've decided that if change isn't permanent, then it's failure. Measure something that will likely show progress.
Remember, that the most effective way to change behavior is thru reinforcement.
My dance teacher is skilled at this. She only gives us so much of a step to work on at one time, even though there is far more technique involved. We are praised for the progress we make. She then adds greater difficulty incrementally. This is known as shaping a behavior in the psychology books--rewarding successive approximations of the behavior you're trying to achieve.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
