Wading with Water wings - 23 years...

[CBK]

Thanks - I need to go find something to do - tomorrow am going out with my buddies, then the MC on Thursday. I will talk D21 into going shopping or something tonigt - cook for the kids, hit a bucket a balls, I don't want to sit around tonight and think too much.

DBD - sounds like things are looking up for you - I am very jealous!

CBK

[ernest88]

CBK-got a new thread title in your head yet?? You're gonna lock this bad boy up soon. 5 pages of advice posted in less than 12 hours today..

Seems like there might be a few people here that care about old CBK...

[CBK]

Thanks Mike - either that or I write way too much!!!

I have been visiting other posters late at night telling them to read my threads - go all the way back as there is so much good advice. Hate to waste it if they don't archieve them somehow.

How is Mike today? Hope well - you seem to be in a good patch right now, I am happy for you. Just saw John and Day by Day as well - gives me hope. No matter how Thursday turns out, I will be okay, what is meant to be will be. And even if she tells me to take a hike, I will continue to listen, validate and listen again. Control... hmmm, what the heck is that?

[sandi2]

Ok, I know I'm taking up too much space today, but you are about to lock up anyway....might as well end with me...lol.

While reading the post since lunch when I wrote last...wow...it has been a few....something made me think of this that I wanted to add to what I had said about the wife returning home before she was emotionally ready. You haven't been M as long as me, but I remember feeling that I really needed a "vacation" from my H! I wanted to experience some freedom so badly. Now, it's true that I did want to be free to do things that I shouldn't be doing.....but, in all honesty, I wanted to escape from everyone and just be my myself. I had never lived alone. I went from my parents' home straight to living as a married woman....in the house with my MIL (no less) and then had a baby the first year of M. We have had somebody in the same house with us all these years except for maybe two....if that long.

When our M problems got bad a little over a year ago, everything my H did was getting on my nerves so badly and he couldn't be very nice to me due to his own hurt so things were very tense in the home. If I had had the money, I would have gotten an apartment for a short time to to get the "relief" that I spoke to you about earlier. That is what you were experiencing that first night after your W left. It was a relief to just not feel all that tension in the air. I never was in favor of M people taking separate vacations....so don't get me wrong here, but under the circumstances when there has been so much to go down......I have to wonder if a short "break" from each other would not help some. As I said, it helps to rest your "heart", so to speak....you said yourself that you even slept better. I just believe that she needs to get a lot worked out before she is ready to be what you need her to be again.

You are getting all worked up again CBK and I think it is just the anxiety of knowing that you'll be seeing her and talking with her and it has you in knots. This is not healthy and this is what I'm saying about taking a short break from each other if it is having that type of effect on you physically. Your body is really going to get sick under this kind of long term stress. Look at how much weight you have lost in a short period of time! Oh, BTW, don't take your son's meds......not a good idea b/c they could work entirely differently on you! However, I just cannot understand why a doctor would not give you AD's to help get you through such an emotional and depressing time.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to add that to what I said earlier for you to think about, in case she doesn't sound very positive about coming back home now. Try to look at it as being for the best....for her and for you. Then, when some of the fires start to go down some, maybe the stitch can change for the better.

Go into that meeting knowing that you have your network with you "in spirit", anyway! We are behind you and want the best for you. You have a lot of friends here on the board. I'd say you are about one of the most popular guys around the community! That should help the ego....lol.

Take care sweetie. Try not to sweat the small stuff. When you feel that you are getting weak and emotional....come talk to us...but warn us not to knock you up beside the head...lol....and that you just need to talk.

Sandi

[CBK]

Hey Sandi - didn't lock up!

I needed to get out of my office, went and got my haircut by a new person and said give me something new! She is actually an old friend and her husband does our upholstery - she kept asking about my W and how she would react to this new "younger" look. I said we will find out!

I am in a good space though right now. I was getting way to worked about about the unknown. As you all know, one of my best friends is an Episcopal Priest (I am not Episcopalian though) - and when I get all anxious, he settles me known quickly. He has his own 2x4's that work on me well and puts things into perspective. He is one of the two people that know the entire story - so he says stuff like "if WAW is still talking to him, he may as well be using your toothbrush - there is no you two right now - get that through your thick head" and he says it lovingly like you all do.

I am all for the short break - I think we both need a lot of healing to do - so I am not going to be against it. If she does insist on coming back home (I can't keep her out), then I will adjust my travel schedule, spend weekends in San Diego (could be worse) and just be.

I am just glad the emollercoaster (emotional roller coaster) was a shorter ride today. I actually finally got upset with myself asking do I really want to go back down Pitty Lane?

So I am with a new haircut, going to cook dinner with kids, then either go shopping for a couple of new shirts or go hit a bucket of balls.

Life is okay right now, good perspective.

Let's see if I lock this sucker up!

CBK

PS - don't know if I am the most popular, but I spend a lot of time reading and processing and I think for some it is a relief to say "well heck, I am not as bad as CBK!" Kind of cathartic