Maybe Last Thread in Separating, Found DB 2 Late

[cw68]

Sleep? What is sleep? I normally suffer from some insomnia. For the past ten months I sleep significantly less than usual. When I'm not with the kids I take an ambien and it makes me stay on the level. Right now I know I'm tired. I know I should want to sleep, yet my mind is racing. Two glasses of wine hasn't changed the tempo of my brain. I'll sit and watch the clock tick close to 1am, then wake at 6am and hope to get back to sleep for a while until the kids come in at 7am. Sometimes it works.

I need to hit a bucket tomorrow. Or ride my bike. It's been hot and I've slowed down the exercise. I need to start wearing out my body since I can't seem to wear out my mind.

[CBK]

We are in the same boat, but I usually fall asleep around midnight and wake up about 4 AM, then doze in and out. I haven't done much since I golfed last weekend, hurt my wrist hitting out of a rough patch - so tomorrow back to the range. Like you, I need to figure out how to wear my body out so I can sleep. I may have to pop an Ambien tonight. I just hate this. I also hate sleeping alone, sucks when you are in your own home and WAS is totally elsewhere. Our minds race, so like you, I come to the board.

So you decided on Tahoe, good for you, that will be great. Should be really nice weather - grab a couple bottles of wine!

CBK

[Sara]

Hi CW,

I'm sleepless too. But I don't have to wake up early. Except for a few minutes to get my son off to school.

I can imagine it's hard to sleep after making such a strong move today. I wish you could have taken a picture of his face when you told him you were going to file. I'd love to see it. Of course, it does make sense to get on with your life and not wait for Godot to show up. You are still young and have a lot of life left to enjoy with someone who want s to enjoy it with you.

[Marcum]

you just said fileing dosent mean its over and now that your fileing its over? I just moved myself and I also have felt the loss of 8 years of us buying and gaining equity. you fileing is another step not a stopsign, unless you want it to be a ending. a HUGE part of dbing is hanging on untill YOU thinks its over.

[cw68]

I don't want it to be an ending, I'm just being realistic. I'm filing as a step, but realizing that my hopes and dreams are over. He's taking from me my marriage, half of my kids' lives, my house, my equity, my financial stability. It's a hard thing to face, but I have to face it.

[MichelleLT]

(((CW))) It sounds like a pretty intense night. You definitely got him thinking. Only time will tell what he does with it.

Enjoy Tahoe this weekend. You totally deserve it.

[GoingForward]

I don't want it to be an ending, I'm just being realistic. I'm filing as a step, but realizing that my hopes and dreams are over. He's taking from me my marriage, half of my kids' lives, my house, my equity, my financial stability. It's a hard thing to face, but I have to face it.

(((((((cw)))))))

I know how you feel. This is exactly how I felt when I first filed. It IS a difficult thing to come to terms with, but like you said and are aware of, you do have to face reality.

It ain't over til the fat lady sings, but there is nothing wrong with you preparing yourself. Physically and emotionally.

(((((((cw)))))))

Tahoe, wow! I love it up there! So nice! Have a GREAT time! You sooooo deserve it!

[cw68]

H and I have been corresponding today re: D's bday party. To his last email he attached:

"I’m not ignoring the other (US) stuff you brought up to me yesterday, I’m doing some soul searching right now, trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I’m sure you are probably doing some of the same. Tough day at the office."

I responded with:

"Re: other stuff. It wouldn’t be prudent to be hasty; our marriage, our home, our lives and those of our children are at stake, though we can’t just sit around waiting for a gift-wrapped solution to be handed to us. Each of us will decide when we can.

To be honest, I’m quite fearful right now but I want you to know that if you chose “the unit,” ultimately I know that I can forgive you, that I can forgive myself, that I can trust you and us. I hope you can do the same."

[cw68]

Oh, and on next Tuesday, I have an appointment to fill out the paperwork to file.

[CBK]

(((((CW)))))

Your email was perfect - I am going to cut and paste it for future use as I am sure I will be there sooner than I would like to be.

At least you will be in Tahoe for the weekend before you have to file - have a great time at your D's bday party and take care of yourself. I love when others tell us not to think about it and have fun, we wish it was that easy.

CBK