I just love throwing something out that has people scratching their heads going "What??? What did she say???" It's just a figure of speech. Like "Oh, brother..."
But seriously Rop, I want you to know I understand where you are coming from. I had similar feelings when my husband was intent on D and filed. And you are so right. It is sooooooo painful. I remember my stomach in knots, having difficulty eating (for months), the first time the kids spent the weekend with him at his apartment I basically walked through the house the whole time crying. I remember driving over to hang out at my mother's house (anything to get out of the house) and thinking, "If I just drive over the side of this freeway it will all be over and I won't feel the pain anymore," And I'd walk through the garage and think, "What could I swallow? What would end it all so I could just escape this pain." Although I wasn't *seriously* considering all this, the pain was so intense I was evaluating it.
But I couldn't put my kids through all that.... And heck, I couldn't just give my H half the house and then let him get off scott-free on alimony and child support!!! And half his pension!!!! No way!!!!! Why should I make his life easier? Why should I do him a favor?!!!!
And slowly I climbed out of the hole. This site actually helped me a lot and I made local friends who put a hand out and helped me up. I know it's really hard, but hang in there. You are not alone. Here's my hand....
Okay... first things first. To emotionally detach you need to let go (the key is emotion). You need to accept this is happening and your wife is leaving you. And you are completely powerless to control her, or change her mind. If she is going to change her mind, it will be something she has to do on her own. Your interference only muffles her thoughts and responses. It doesn't give her the distance to analyze where she wants to be because she's reacting to you. Unfortunately, she won't know where she wants to be until she loses you (or feels she has lost you). Also this will take time. She may need to spend a lot of time checking out the grass "next door" to realize it's not "greener" on the other side.
And don't you keep imagining or thinking it's better.... I noticed you tend to think what she's leaving you for is so wonderful. It's NOT. You are the best, you are the guy that has been there for her, you are the father of her children, you have history... YOU are Mr. Wonderful. She may be too blind to realize that for now, most people take what they have for granted, but the truth is, ... you are valuable and she it would be a pity if she didn't wise up soon and realize she could lose something very special.
You are special and valuable and don't forget that!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
