Rob, spoke too soon, things are going horribly! H is in a bad mood, the stone face has returned and it is sending me into fits of tears and frustration. I'm returning to that needy person--wanting answers and reassurance. I'm so tired of this, I want to be in a M that is going to last, not one where I wonder every day if this is the last. Sometimes I just wish the other shoe would drop. But I get your point about postivie reiforcement, as soon as I pull myself up I will attempt.
KAW--thank you for the alternative view point-- I'm debating going and debating just doing something for the boys and I that weekend.
Ellie--thanks for all the info and support. Day 3, and I'm folowing the plan. Got the pictures taken, had 6 year old do it and the digital let me know when we had to redo them!
JB-- I think of your words whenever things get this bad--I know I'm lucky he is here and we are working on it. I need to start counting my blessings, not everything that is going wrong.
Pam & DB-- I did test for my second belt, went fairly well, though my side kick needs tons of work!
Must go paint the fence, trying to please H, though it doesnt seem to work. Neighbor gave us tickets to b-ball game tonight, H hesitant, said if you wnat to go as a family, I'll go, but then don't make a damn plan for the weekend, or don't make any plans for me, I don't give a damn what you do. And we ended the conversation on that note. I guess I'm just losing me resolve. I'm tired of always being so wrong, fearful of doing things not the right way. I don't know how many times I stop the kids from doing stuff, saying don't do that, Daddy will be mad.
Is this just a self-pity party and I need to just pick myself up? Hard to see when I'm in the middle of it. Or do I just want a chance to write the rule book instead of letting him do it the past 8 months.
I feel like I'm no furhter along that 8 months ago. Ugh, what a rollercoaster this is!
