NLT - IMHO, I think a very short and to the point note saying just what you said, you hope he is doing well, is enough. Don't include any other sentiments, don't include anything at all other than that.
It will show him you are not feeling animosity toward him. It will not be pushing your feelings onto him which he can't handle right now. It seems safe, but caring.
Take care.
(((((nlt)))))
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I agree with Mishka. Send him the short note you hope he is doing well and NOTHING else. Since you haven't spoken to him in over a month, this is not pursuing at all and it shows that you are not feeling animosity just as Mishka pointed out.
Good luck nlt!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Thank you both so much for the advice. I will do that!!!
I just didn't want him to think anything about me sending that note.
I had a dream about him last night, I don't remember what it was but I woke up at 3am & cried myself back to sleep. I just miss him so bad & can't believe it was just a year ago everything was fine.
I'm so afraid that I've lost him for good. I just hope I haven't & he will come to his senses soon!!
I had some bad dreams too last night. Up at about 4am, tired, but just couldn't stop thinking about my W. , thinking the exact same thoughts you were. Classic LBS stuff, I'm afraid. It's unfortunately not unusual. He's on your mind, you are still very much trying to reconcile where things are at right now with how you understood your relationship and him to be.
The most important thing is to try to take care of yourself, starting with the basics in all this. This is necessary, not optional, to direct your focus to. It feels sometimes like if we stop obsessing and worrying about our partners, we will lose them for sure, but the obsessing doesn't hold them close. See if you can just go very slowly today and really try to do one or two simple things that are good for nlt.
This is so hard, and I know you are really hurting. So many of us are hurting here. Hang in there.
Thank you so much for the encouragement & support!!!! It's been a while since all of this has happened but I still can't stop thinking about him.
I know I'm like everyone else here, but I just never thought it would happen to us. His first wife ran around on him & just never dreamed he would do it to me. He didn't even love her & he did me.
I will try to take it slow & I know I've got to stop thinking about him all the time. I just miss him so bad. The summer we usually plan a vacation & now I'm sure he is planning one with OW & that is so hard for me!!!
I sure do miss talking to him & telling him things that are happening or just the usual day to day stuff.
You hang in there too, I know you are hurting also!!!
Thanks. Yes, this is a tough time for both of us, it seems. I can easily get caught up in all kinds of obsessing about "what's happening w/W.?" and usually in the most pessimistic and dreading of ways. It doesn't help, which I have figured out. What I haven't figured out yet is how to change it! I think it requires some brute mental force sometimes to just keep trying to redirect thoughts onto something else.
What are some GAL things you have been doing for a little distraction?
My parents were here & stayed a week with me, they helped me clean out the shed & the mess he left me when he moved out. He was on my mind the whole time b/c this was his place too & he did re-model our house.
I'm been taking care of the dogs, the older one is having lots of problems but seems to be doing better. It takes a lot of work with her b/c of all the supplements the holistic vet gave me.
I have been going to church & everyone there is so supportive. I know I should be doing more but right now I'm just trying to figure everything out.
I wish I could!! I've got to find a job & right now there is not enough money to go on vacation.
That book sounds good. Let me know how it is. I'm doing my best to have positive thoughts & turn things over to God. I'm just not sure how to do that. I'm trying.
I sent H a note with the tax refund check. I just said "Hope you are doing well". I sent the check Restricted Delivery, that means he will have to show ID & only he can pick it up. I hope that doesn't make him mad, it cost me more money to send it that way but I don't trust OW & was afraid she might get it & not even let him know I sent it. With a woman like that you just never know.
I'm still so lonely & so afraid that he might marry that woman, surely he won't. I just hope & pray that he will see what she really is & that he will see what he had. I'm not perfect, no one is but I was good to him & I've got notes & cards he sent me that says he couldn't imagine his life without me & thanked me for being so good to him & that he would marry me all over. Some of those cards were just 2 or 3 years ago. So I know he really was happy with me at one time. I just hope his cloud won't prevent him from looking back & seeing it.
Sorry, just venting. I've got to take dog back to holistic vet now for re-check, talk to you later.
