Wow. Already on page 3! I haven't read the entire thread yet but just wanted to thank you for this, Sara.
You must be so proud of your kids. I see a lot of my boys in them and it brings back bittersweet memories. A lot of your story reminds me of so much I had blocked.
I'm finding that a lot of that year was kind of a blur. Reading others stories is actually helping me piece things together in my mind.
I also honestly never realized, until going through all of this and finding this website, that I'd actaully had EAs on different levels.
I mean I didn't block anything, but never considered it harmful to my marriage. I never considered that staying in touch with a few "plan B" guys from the past may have contributed to my sense of entitlement. I never hid the contact from my H so I never considered it betrayal. But. I'm going to have to think on this and talk more to H about it.
I asked him a few weeks ago about the sax player... if he'd been more bothered by the attention/relationship than he'd let on... but got no definitive answer. I think he may still be in the "you are a saint that stuck with me through everything" phase so he may not even realize it. Should I drop it? Bring all this up later on? Hmmmm. I even went into mourning and a meltdown when I learned that an exHS/college boyfriend (married with kids) had died. He *sort of* understood... maybe.
So, how deep does it get? What about occasional fantsizing about exes. Or movie stars. Or....? Is that cheating?
Ok. Enough for now. Thanks again, Sara. I appreciate how much you make me think and how much your sharing helps others.
