sandi thankx for taking time to chat, i appreciate it!!! couple of things, i think this is so hard for me for few reasons, he is the only man to ever "blow me off" not used to that at all! he is couple years older and moved on after school, his page long apologie letter asked me to forgive his immatuity, he said he also thought of me, driving by my house etc!! he should have stopped the car!!! he knows just the attitude, the way to melt me, no one else ever has, maybe its just wanting what cant have but it fees like its the death of something i was so sure would happen for so long, he ended his last email i still love you, ill always love you!! how do you close the door on something so open ended. always had this conviction we would end up together just a feeling! so to see him at my age after all these years and have it feel so right, and yet not amount to anything espically at this point in my life it is devistating! his wife trapped him with her pregnancy 20yrs ago, he says the reason he married her. i'm sure over the years ive built him apedistal but im not unrealistic, he is on his second marrage, its the way i feel when i'm with him that attracts me. trying to move on but difficult. my husband is full steam ahead!!!! boggles my mind how someone goes from nothing to acting the way he is now, its very confusing. trying to close the door on one, not sure if theres enough left for my husband, will try weekend away, i don't think love is a choice, i think it's a natural attraction, this is all so difficult!
