The deposition is putting W on the legal record and my L gets to essentially question her as if we were in a trial. We are doing this b/c she has made some pretty bold statements, but contradicted them through e-mails and text messages.
My L is going to ask why she changed from her having an erotic dream to my sexually assualting her or, as her mother put it, forcibly raping her. He is going to find out why she didn't call the police and get her to answer how she can claim to be so afraid of me yet invite me to tuck her in at night and go w/ me to purchase a brand new wedding ring shortly before she filed for divorce.
The purpose is to get her contradictions on the record and/or to get her to state that she has misrepresented her claims against me. If she hadn't thrown out the sexual assualt charge, I most likely wouldn't feel the need to do this. However, especially as an educator, that charge can not only tarnish my reputation, it can make me unemployable for many districts. There are also the charges of "improper sexual behavior" w/ my D that I need to challenge as well.
I do feel compelled to get the story straight and official for my D. If I don't challenge this charge, then I will be telling the public, and my D, that it is true.
The deposition is to get her to hang herself based on the physical evidence we have in e-mails against what she has written in her documents she submitted to the court. They don't make sense and they don't add up.
Her affair may be mentioned as well and she'll either have to admit it or run the risk of being found guilty of lying on the legal record. She has denied any affair to this point so she can come away squeaky clean for her family. If it needs to come up, it will in the deposition.
You asked what the point was and the risks of not doing it, well this is being done for the benefit of the parenting evaluator. My W has submitted her claims against me as well as her biased letters to the evaluator. My experienced L has recommended we depose my W prior to the evaluator's ruling to give him this to work off of as well. My L has seen in the past where evaluators will make up their mind and not easily change it afterward, regardless of what the deposition brings up. Thus, it is a better strategy to give him this beforehand.
I'm not looking forward to it, but I do feel it is a very necessary step. I'd rather not do it, but I've been backed into a corner where my character and reputation is on the line - not just for my D, but this could impact my career as an educator.
Nut said "She needs to account for the statements she has made. If that makes her uncomfortable...good. Maybe she will think twice about besmirching your reputation again" and I agree w/ him. In fact, I discussed this w/ my DB coach who also agreed that I needed to go forward w/ this b/c W's charges are too dangerous to leave unchallenged.
I will resist the temptation to rescue W during the deposition, but I have decided that I will stop my L if he is insisting on getting W to tell intimate details about her relationship w/ OM. It doesn't matter to me if they are or are not having sex. That really is irrelevant. I think we'll just need to get her to admit there is a relationship and there has been an affair since November going on. That should provide enough backing w/out embarassing her to tell details.
I wish I didn't have to do this, but W has left me w/ little choice as this is the path she's chosen to take. I still want to DB my marriage and save us somehow, but ultimately I have to do what is right by me and my D, and getting to the truth after her very inflamatory accusations is what is right by us. If it damages my relationship w/ W beyond repair, I can't worry about that. It will make me sad, but I still can't worry about it.
