I agree w/ you as well that the bounce house would be an excellent place to get the lice. However the reason she thinks D got it from me or while in my care has to do w/ the fact that there was a head lice warning from her old daycare, so I'm guessing she got it from there. There is also the fact that I get blamed for everything, so we have to factor that in as well.
Nut, I'm glad to hear from you again. Are you in your finals week preparation right now?
Through all of this, RTL's W and my STBX are very similar. At the first sign of softening, they have had the tendancy to strike.
In all of this, think about yourself and your D. The go from there. It seems that at the time you saw red flags and did not respond. You did the best you could with what you had...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
The deposition is putting W on the legal record and my L gets to essentially question her as if we were in a trial. We are doing this b/c she has made some pretty bold statements, but contradicted them through e-mails and text messages.
My L is going to ask why she changed from her having an erotic dream to my sexually assualting her or, as her mother put it, forcibly raping her. He is going to find out why she didn't call the police and get her to answer how she can claim to be so afraid of me yet invite me to tuck her in at night and go w/ me to purchase a brand new wedding ring shortly before she filed for divorce.
The purpose is to get her contradictions on the record and/or to get her to state that she has misrepresented her claims against me. If she hadn't thrown out the sexual assualt charge, I most likely wouldn't feel the need to do this. However, especially as an educator, that charge can not only tarnish my reputation, it can make me unemployable for many districts. There are also the charges of "improper sexual behavior" w/ my D that I need to challenge as well.
I do feel compelled to get the story straight and official for my D. If I don't challenge this charge, then I will be telling the public, and my D, that it is true.
The deposition is to get her to hang herself based on the physical evidence we have in e-mails against what she has written in her documents she submitted to the court. They don't make sense and they don't add up.
Her affair may be mentioned as well and she'll either have to admit it or run the risk of being found guilty of lying on the legal record. She has denied any affair to this point so she can come away squeaky clean for her family. If it needs to come up, it will in the deposition.
You asked what the point was and the risks of not doing it, well this is being done for the benefit of the parenting evaluator. My W has submitted her claims against me as well as her biased letters to the evaluator. My experienced L has recommended we depose my W prior to the evaluator's ruling to give him this to work off of as well. My L has seen in the past where evaluators will make up their mind and not easily change it afterward, regardless of what the deposition brings up. Thus, it is a better strategy to give him this beforehand.
I'm not looking forward to it, but I do feel it is a very necessary step. I'd rather not do it, but I've been backed into a corner where my character and reputation is on the line - not just for my D, but this could impact my career as an educator.
Nut said "She needs to account for the statements she has made. If that makes her uncomfortable...good. Maybe she will think twice about besmirching your reputation again" and I agree w/ him. In fact, I discussed this w/ my DB coach who also agreed that I needed to go forward w/ this b/c W's charges are too dangerous to leave unchallenged.
I will resist the temptation to rescue W during the deposition, but I have decided that I will stop my L if he is insisting on getting W to tell intimate details about her relationship w/ OM. It doesn't matter to me if they are or are not having sex. That really is irrelevant. I think we'll just need to get her to admit there is a relationship and there has been an affair since November going on. That should provide enough backing w/out embarassing her to tell details.
I wish I didn't have to do this, but W has left me w/ little choice as this is the path she's chosen to take. I still want to DB my marriage and save us somehow, but ultimately I have to do what is right by me and my D, and getting to the truth after her very inflamatory accusations is what is right by us. If it damages my relationship w/ W beyond repair, I can't worry about that. It will make me sad, but I still can't worry about it.
You definitely understand where I'm at. I just don't trust her and I was uncomfortable w/ any of the responses I was thinking of last night, so I stayed dark on the subject.
I'm sure it ticks her off, but my answer would most likely just give her fuel to be even more upset w/ me. Right now, I'm pushing for myself and my D5. That is why I need to keep moving w/ the deposition. W will either be forced to fess up to some things or she will contradict herself on the legal record. Either way, it should do nothing but help my case w/ the parenting evaluator and provide proof for my D and others that I'm not nearly the monster W wants the world to believe I am.
I don't know the answer to bizarre's question (which is not bizarre at all), but I totally agree with bizarre's observation that the Lawyers involved make things go all hypercrazy.
Definitely not a calming influence.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
SirPrizeMe. They are necessary but of course they effect communication. RTL. yes the deposition is a good idea. You are paying your lawyer so just take his advice. who knows , it may even get your w to think twice about some of the things she has said. You are probably smart to be on your guard right now. The problem is she seems to change her attitude so quickly and you just don't know what to think.
My kids had it once when they were young. Kept coming back after several treatments. I remember also using an old -fashioned remedy - olive oil. It was messy and hard to wash out, but it seemed to help Also, a blow dryer or curling iron may help. Here's some info. If I used the olive oil, I'd put it on, put on a shower cap, and leave it for 2 hours. Then wash out with strong shampoo (or maybe some dish soap?). Suffocating agents An increasingly popular "alternative" treatment involves the use of food-grade oils or hair gels in attempts to smother lice on the scalp. Many people have provided anecdotal reports of their successes with this old method, but we have also heard of nearly an equal number of failures. Virtually no data, however, is available to assess the efficacy of this technique. As with any hair conditioner, oils may lubricate and ease efforts to pass louse or nit combs through the hair. Olive oil (or any similar food-grade product) would seem intrinsically safe, but may have associated hazards, nonetheless. Oil may cause accidents (slips), and would be difficult to remove from the hair and scalp (detergents can cause irritation). Do not use motor or machine oils, as these materials can be harmful.
As a preliminary test to measure the effect of such agents on lice, we submerged six active lice in olive oil, and maintained an equal number of non-treated lice in a separate container. Lice removed from oil after one hour recovered, but those submerged for two hours succumbed. Non-treated lice survived for at least 18 hours. We have not repeated this test on active lice nor have we tested this treatment on nits. The results are simply of a very preliminary nature and should not be construed as solid evidence on which one would base treatment recommendations. It would be an error to extrapolate from data of such an informal test; therefore, we do not recommend the use of olive oil (or other such substances) as a treatment for head lice.
Heat The hot dry air produced by standard hand-held hair dryers may suffice to kill lice and their eggs on a person's hair. Use great care if you try this method, as the heated air from these devices can also easily scald the hair and the scalp. No precise values (treatment time, temperature, and distance from hair dryer) are available with which to base an objective treatment protocol. Heated curling irons, hair straighteners or similar devices may kill some lice and eggs, but may not safely be applied to hair nearest the skin where viable eggs are most abundant. A clothes dryer set a high heat or a hot pressing iron may effectively kill any lice or their eggs on pillowcases, sheets, nightclothes, towels and similar items that will not be damaged by this process. Combs, brushes, hats and other hair accessories in contact with an infested person should be washed in hot water each day to dislodge any lice or nits.
I will resist the temptation to rescue W during the deposition, but I have decided that I will stop my L if he is insisting on getting W to tell intimate details about her relationship w/ OM. It doesn't matter to me if they are or are not having sex. That really is irrelevant. I think we'll just need to get her to admit there is a relationship and there has been an affair since November going on. That should provide enough backing w/out embarassing her to tell details.
I'm not sure I would set that strong a boundary on the questioning. If, for example, they are being inappropriately sexual in your D5's presence then the questions would be relevant. Since you have done the right thing and avoided using D5 to gather information, you don't really know much about how your wife and the dirtbag interact in her presence. Don't be too quick to call off the dog--he might smell something.
I don't have final exams for another week and a half...but my boys and farming have taken every spare minute I have for the past month--the trees have leafed out and we are through our first irrigation cycle.
