I agree with Ellie. Getting support from "imaginary friends" is fine, meeting them in person could be taken the wrong way, even though we're all "just friends" Don't want to test his level of "trust" just yet.
Have been starting to read some threads on Piecing as hope to maybe move over here. Not yet but am trying to be hopeful!
It certainly sounds like overall things have really turned around in your situation! Fairly quickly even. I'm sure it didn't seem that way at the time!
My H wants to know if he decides to try working on our M how long it takes! Like sheesh! That WOULD depend on the way you think and the amount of effort you put into it I would think but keep telling him I have heard 1 month for every month of marital problems.
Anyway hoping for some inspiration over here and you sound pretty good!!
Hope your vacation was WONDERFUL!!!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Pam, This mess started the end of October last year, but as I look back I can see where we were in a downward spiral for about a year. Things are looking good, not perfect, but much better.
Vacation was wonderful, just a few days with sunshine (as opposed to the never ending rain here) did a great deal to boost spirits. Saw the Angels kill the Mets, and did a bunch of amusment parks with the kids. The last park was a bit of a dissapointment and H felt really bad as it wasn't as wonderful as his research led him to believe. He was in a down mood and I tried to cheer him up, but at what point does my responsibility end at making him happy? Sometimes it just seems like someone wants to be grumpy no matter what. So I worked at controlling my reaction. Normally when this happens---H in bad mood, I get grumpy and I take it out on the kids--cranky to them. But, I did slip into that routine and quickly caught myself and rebounded. So, an old dog can learn a new trick.
Felt like we "connected" many times on the trip. Even got some ILYs from H. First day home, he said he was glad to be back at work--that always hit me odd--as he would rather be there than with us. Which is probably true to an extent--work/life balance.
DB, now knowing H's love language, I mowed the lawn yesterday, no easy feat as the dumb house is on a sloped yard, but he told me when he got home what a loving thing it was for me to do. I have told him my theory that I clean/do things around the house for him, because I know it is important to him and I consider it a loving gesture. I think he is starting to see that.
So a few days of sun has definetely boosted my sprits and even the current rain is not going to blow it. I'm ready to move to Southern California---Eliie, as we drove out to the Wild Animal Park I saw Mt. Whiteny on the map right off of 78--though of you and your great accomplishment. Beautiful country you have there.
I test for my next belt in karate tomorrow, not as ready as last time, but I'm going to do it, have all day today to work on it.
Still undecided on the camping thing, though you all have valid points.
Good day Jackie, Wonderful news and glad to hear you had a great time while on vacation.
Quoting Dagny: Sometimes it just seems like someone wants to be grumpy no matter what. So I worked at controlling my reaction. Normally when this happens---H in bad mood, I get grumpy and I take it out on the kids--cranky to them. But, I did slip into that routine and quickly caught myself and rebounded. So, an old dog can learn a new trick.
That's it exactly!! You can't control his mood. You may be able to influence it by maintaining your PMA, but if not, don't let him influence your mood. Just let him be until he snaps out of it...
Quoting Dagny: Still undecided on the camping thing, though you all have valid points.
I'm gonna buck the mainstream here a bit with another angle of DBing. The camping trip is something for yourself. If its what you want to do, then do it. Why would you need to tell him who you are camping with. Be a little mysterious by not offering more information that he asks for. Start it off as ... "While you are out of town, I am considering doing an activity for myself like camping for a couple of days." Leave at that and see if he is OK with it.
Jackie - check out my answer to your post on my thread. Wow - the Wild Animal Park - you were so close to me - that's 20 minutes from my house!
Quote: Sometimes it just seems like someone wants to be grumpy no matter what. So I worked at controlling my reaction. Normally when this happens---H in bad mood, I get grumpy and I take it out on the kids--cranky to them. But, I did slip into that routine and quickly caught myself and rebounded. So, an old dog can learn a new trick.
Wow - this sounds like me. My H would be in a bad mood, I would try to "talk" him out of it, I would get anxious and end up transmitting that to the kids. You know, the truth is many of our spouses are struggling with anxiety/depression issues. It's not rational so trying to "talk" them out of it doesn't help. And if we let ourselves get sucked into their bad mood, it just makes things worse. This is where act as if is so powerful. If we can get ourselves in a great mood, or act as if, we can often pull them out of the vortex and into our good mood!
Also, be careful about reading too much into what H says. Maybe he's anxious to get back to work because he has a lot to do and feels anxious taking a long vacation. Maybe it's what my H's best friend told me when H was seriously depressed and still insisting on going to work every day - he told me that's probably the one place where H feels competent and like he's doing good things for people, so he clings to it.
Or maybe your H just likes structure? Or truly loves his work? Some people find such a good match in their occupations that going to work is like recreation for them.
Did your H feel a lot of pressure on him to plan this vacation? Is that why he got so bummed when one of the attractions wasn't so great? If so, maybe you could plan the next one, or make it a more cooperative venture?
Yeah, looking back it is always much easier to see it started heading downhill long before it blew up!
I am glad you had the sunshine, seems like all we are getting here is rain. Although so far this weekend has been awesome weather. Helps the spirits!
I am wondering how you didn't let his mood control yours? Just your thinking process? This is a VERY bad habit of mine.
I see I have GOT to read 5 Love Languages. Almost every thread I visit mentions it!
Hope your test for your next belt in karate went well. I think it is awesome that you started something like that for yourself. I would be too intimidated but am starting to work on some of my insecurites! But I THINK karate is still outside of my capabilities! Besides being way out of shape!
I read about the camping trip on your thread. Going to have to look it up!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Will not be camping in OH-10, stuff going on at work and other issues.
Hope your weekend went well, if not, pop a Yuengling. I'll be popping one, or a bourbon, later 2nite.
Dagny, maybe you are not looking for advice. Here is mine anyway:
You have made tremendous progress. I would give my life to be where you and H are now. I envy you. I envy H, if for no other reason than he has a Good Woman, and is g3tt!ng b3tw33n h3r l3g$ on a regular basis. ( Good reason to envy, no? ) And you are servicing H, I hope ;-). ( You do NOT have to answer.... )
Excuse me, I've been writing too many romance novels lately ;-).
This is WAY to much to risk by going camping.
Have a good week, Dagny.
JoyBoy
Click on JoyBoy at left, link @ "Bio" is my thread
That's it exactly!! 
