I hear ya. Like I said, I'm the eternal optimist, but I'm also a realist. I hope I haven't given the impression that I think WW is on board with anything right now. I don't think that for one minute. But I also don't think our situation is as bad as it was 6 weeks ago.
Her reaction to me exposing to OMW doesn't bother me in the least. Quite the contrary. I actually smile when I think back about all the fog babble spewed at me. And I didn't stop there. 2.5 months after that exposure, I exposed her STD. 2 months after that I exposed to the kids. And where I'm at right now, I really don't care what her reaction is to the speech that's coming. Really. Like DS told me, why don't you just divorce so we can live our lives without her. I'm totally there.
What I'm doing now is what I think is RIGHT and currently the best way to bring her around. I guess I just keep thinking what my counselor told me. It took WW a long time to convince herself that our marriage sucked and I was this terrible person so it'll take her a while to come out of that, and that's the time I'm willing to give her. I guess I just don't see the harm in giving her a little more time to de-fog/WD if that's in fact what is going on with her. If it isn't, whether I say anything now or in a month or so doesn't really change anything. But if I continue to fill whatever needs she'll let me and continue to show her what life can be like in the family, if she does leave when I give her the chit or get off the pot talk, the last thing she'll remember is how nice it's been the last couple months. In MB terms, this is like my plan A prior to plan B (if needed). It's like now that I'm fairly confident the affair is over, I'm going to plan A for a while and then go to plan B.
Make sense?
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Thanks Pup. Like I said, it might be the wrong tac to take, but if this is going to work, another month won't matter much.
More baby steps.....I've mentioned this before, but not too long after I discovered her affair, WW blocked me from seeing her status on intercompany IM. About a month ago I saw where she had unblocked me, but then a couple days later, blocked me again. Then about a week or so later, another unblock and about 3 days or so after, blocked again. Ok, does anyone else need more proof that waywards are confused?
Well, I pulled up IM this morning to chat with a friend to see if he and his family will be at another friends daughter's graduation party next monday and see where WW has unblocked me once again.
For anyone who has been to Cedar Point amusement park in Ohio (park with the most rollercoasters in the world), I feel like I'm on the top thrill dragster. For those of you who don't know the park, that coaster launches you from zero to 200 mph or so in about 3 seconds, out, straight up and over the top of a 300 ft or more hill and then right back down to the finish.
Yes, that's the coaster we're all on.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Last night was the best night we've had in probably 6 months. WW has a very busy work week going on and Monday night she had said she probably could take DS16 to drivers ed, but if she got tied up, could I take him? I said no problem. So yesterday I was half expecting a call/note asking if I could take him, but I didn't get one. So when she got home from taking him, I told her I was kind of surprised that she hadn't called. Well, that started it. She had a really bad day and talked and talked about it. I just listened. When she paused, I didn't jump in, just let the silence go and soon she'd talk more. Once in a while I would ask probing questions to get her talking more. This went on for probably an hour and a half.
Then she started talking about items DS19 needs for the apartment he's moving into in a month and then she talked about American Idol. All in all, probably 2 hours of us talking with me doing mostly listening. How's that women? That's what you guys like right? I didn't try to fix anything and I didn't make any of the conversation about me, which are both things that WW has said she has issues with.
So when it came time for DS16 to be picked up, I went so she could finish watching Idol. Now time for the pullback.
When we got home, she was DIFFERENT. Head down, reading a magazine. Didn't acknowledge DS16 or myself. I told them I was going up to bed to watch the NBA playoffs and told her goodnight and got nothing. This morning I went upstairs before leaving to tell her the dog hadn't been outside yet and I got a "who cares" shrug of her shoulders. DS16 heard me say goodnight and saw her ignore me and he rolled his eyes again and was ticked. But I talked to him in his room and told him that we'd had a pretty good evening and not to worry about it too much because I feel like we're making some progress, it's just going to take a while.
Can you say Conflicted? We've had more than a week of pretty good days (by today's standards). And last night was like normal, but then a mood swing.
Does this mean she's starting to realize I'm not so bad afterall and now the guilt is setting in? Does this mean we're making progress and when she has feelings for me it scares her because that would mean this whole affair was a waste and if that's true, then what does that make her?
So Puppy, does this sound like the conflict within? That's good, correct? Is she still talking to OM, but not in an affair way, but in "we can still be friends" way and if she has feelings for me she's recognizing how harmful that can be, hence, more conflict?
Still sticking with my plan. Her pullback actually made me smile because it seems to me she's going to have to go through these things to get to where we both want to go, even if she doesn't realize she wants to go there yet.
Comments?
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Does this mean she's starting to realize I'm not so bad afterall and now the guilt is setting in? Does this mean we're making progress and when she has feelings for me it scares her because that would mean this whole affair was a waste and if that's true, then what does that make her?
Now one more question. Is it normal for waywards in sitch's like ours to try to make one last attempt at connecting with OM again?
I guess I can see with these conflicting feelings she seems to be having that she might make another attempt at getting together with him so she can rationalize that what she's feeling for me is wrong and what she had with OM HAS to be right so she makes one more fleeting attempt at getting together with him. Me and DS going to my mom's for a picnic and the friends daughters grad party Monday may be when she tries this, if that happens. And I would bet my next paycheck that he'll blow her off once again. If that happens would that be the time that she truly recommits to the marriage?
Ok, Ok, I know, what if, what if. All speculation. But if you haven't figured it out by now, that's in my being. I was discussing that very subject with my brother the other day and he's the same way. I guess it's in our DNA.
Ok, everyone tell me to not think about what if's and just live in the now.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Now one more question. Is it normal for waywards in sitch's like ours to try to make one last attempt at connecting with OM again?
I guess I can see with these conflicting feelings she seems to be having that she might make another attempt at getting together with him so she can rationalize that what she's feeling for me is wrong and what she had with OM HAS to be right so she makes one more fleeting attempt at getting together with him. Me and DS going to my mom's for a picnic and the friends daughters grad party Monday may be when she tries this, if that happens. And I would bet my next paycheck that he'll blow her off once again. If that happens would that be the time that she truly recommits to the marriage?
Ok, Ok, I know, what if, what if. All speculation. But if you haven't figured it out by now, that's in my being. I was discussing that very subject with my brother the other day and he's the same way. I guess it's in our DNA.
Ok, everyone tell me to not think about what if's and just live in the now.
Do not think about what-if's; just live in the now.
