You are very wise and it sounds like you and your wife are on the road to recovering your marriage. I'm so happy to read success stories. Your attitude is what is going to make this a happy ending. Too many times (not picking on anyone specifically) I read men's stories about their wives not wanting sex anymore or not being "into it" enough or never intiating sex, and yet these same men really don't take any suggestions to heart. They simply are stumped by their wives behavior and they can't seem to move forward into the mode of positive change.
So you and your attitude are definitely refreshing to read!
As a woman - who used to be married to a man who "didn't get it" - it pains me to read men's stories who are floundering. I wish I could give them advice but normally, they simply cannot understand that their attitude is the main problem. The same was true with my ex-husband.
So back to you...
I want to concur that as a woman, my desire is definitely going to be related to the amount of strength and masculinity my man exhibits. Sometimes strength and masculinity can be expressed in the softer forms of support, caring, and romance. These are a turn-on too, but they will not produce white hot desire. They will only produce a warm fuzzy loving feeling, which may or may not be turned into desire. It needs more ingredients to turn into desire.
I need to feel my man is trying to SEDUCE me. There is a big difference between him coming at me initiating sex, and SEDUCING me. If you are a man and you don't know what this difference is, you need to find out pronto! Being able to seduce me includes those masuline qualities I mentioned above. Look at it this way - - when you were single and you wanted to seduce a woman, you went about it in a holistic way, correct? As in, you thought out every angle, you bought the flowers, you made the flirty comments and compliments, you placed the hand on the knee at precisely the right time with precisely the right sexy eyes placed upon her body, you made sexual innuendos that you knew would make her stir, and you were being very HONEST with your own manly desires, as in, you were following them to their natural conclusion...having sex with a woman you desired....sound familiar? Wives need the same seduction that girlfriends and conquests need. This is why so many wives are vulnerable to a man outside the marriage who puts these seductive moves on her. A lot of times she hasn't felt that seduction since before she was married!
Another point is (please brace yourselves, men) that a lot of men simply don't have good skills as a lover. How you are supposed to gain those skills after you are married and your wife has shut down sexually, I'm not sure what to suggest to you. But watching porn for ideas is NOT the right way! A lot of men simply don't know what it takes to be a good lover to a woman. I will give a big hint - - it starts with being a good kisser.
Baghera, thanks for posting this. I am sorry if I side-tracked you. I just want to concur and also offer my two cents. Please keep up the good work!
