SC - there is a lot of truth in what you say. I know our marriage was strained before the A - the hard part is that everybody that knows us thought we were very happy, heck, I thought we were happy, strained after raising two kids and in a private college in CA, so finances and empty nesting was the reason I thought we were strained. Now that we are in counseling, I see the role I played, in fact, I take the majority of blame (not all) in the stress. But for me to ask her to give up OM is a deal breaker. There is no working on a R with WAW if he is in the picture. If she thinks there is a future for them, then she needs to figure that out, I will be working on me and the R for a long time - so if that doesn't work, and I am still around, great. But for me, I honestly can not function knowing that she is living in our home while continuing an EA with a OM she had a PA with. It will no longer sit with me.
CBK
I understand, we each have our own deal breakers. We each have our own line in the sand. I'm not here to choose yours for you, I'm only here to offer thinking material. Chewing gum for the brain if you will.
I can't imagine how difficult it is to be in the LBS position. I can't offer much advice there. I can offer empathy, & compassion however.
I believe in pay it forward. I get so much from reading your thoughts, & FG's, & Ready's & Woog's & M from T, & Jeff, & all the guys who pour out their thoughts here. I know my heart has softened towards my H since I've been reading here. So, my pay it forward is to share what I can that may be similar to your WAW's thinking. Think of my opinions/advice like a buffet, take what you like, leave what you don't. I'm not offended when people disagree with me even. I think the combined effort of the group, makes this work for the good of all. Hugs. I want only the best for you.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
