Refuse To Lose, Part VIII

RTL,
I may be completely wrong but I just wonder by your W saying "why did you find it so hard to be nice to me" she may have been giving you an opening. Your non response might just feel frustrating to her. I know if I said that I would want to hear something like, I thought I was and didn't realize it or maybe I was too concerned with myself and by the time I woke up you were gone or maybe I took you for granted or because I became a self absorbed SOB or something self depricating. Just giving you a woman"s point of view. Now I may be way off the mark but it sounds a little like she wanted you to say how sorry you were for whatever.

RTl,
you had asked about my thread, I do not have one yet. There is so much going on in my life , i don't know where to start. The problems seem endless. I will start a thread when I can get it together.

[Virtually_Handsome]

I just wonder by your W saying "why did you find it so hard to be nice to me" she may have been giving you an opening.

Maybe. To me it feels like a trap... "When did you stop beating your wife?"

To even answer is acknowledging that it is hard for him to be nice to her. And if he answers the question, well, it won't be nice to her, either. Either way, he just proves her point, in her mind. Of course, not answering will make her mad, too.

So, that's my opinion.

dry-heat & RTl,

hmmmm, you may be right, I tend to get sucked in when someone seems to soften. Too much of an optimist , I guess.

[Virtually_Handsome]

I usually am to, bizarre! I just don't trust this woman!

[SirPrizeMe]

I'm with Bizarre. "Why was it so hard for you to be nice to me?" feels like an opportunity for an apology. "I'm so sorry it felt like that to you. I want to be nice, and I'm doing the best I can now."

??

What's trust got to do with it?

[RefuseToLose]

bizarre and Jeff -

I struggled over this one, to tell the truth. I came to a conclusion that there wasn't a thing I could really say that would satisfy my W. The closest I came to answering her was w/ a statement like "I did the best I could w/ the tools I had at the time and never meant to upset you in any way."

However, even that could be construed to work against me, so I refrained. She may be looking for something and it isn't malicious on her part or a part of a trap, but unfortunately, I can't trust her either. She's way too inconsistent for me to lower my guard.

I wish it were different, but I'm still afraid it isn't.

RTL

[RefuseToLose]

SPM,
I agree that they are baby steps and I also agree that it is very, very odd. In fact, she's been texting and e-mailing me all day about the situation w/ D's lice. She's still running to me for support, so there is still something there. There is a connection she can't (or won't) bring herself to completely break.

Yes, she's very, very piss@d off right now. She's angry and frustrated w/ her life and I'm the target. I know that and I'm doing my best to not let it soak in and take it personally. Her actions are very odd. I do wonder if she is more interested in punishing me than divorcing me.

If this is the case, the question comes -- what is the next step once she thinks I've suffered enough? Or will she ever think I've suffered enough?

RTL

RTL,
well file it away in the back of your mind just in case things change. The problem with L's being involved is they do their job and because of this both parties become fearful of taking any risk

does anyone know why, while I am signed on I get eamils from wtched topics but do not see them on the board?