SC - there is a lot of truth in what you say. I know our marriage was strained before the A - the hard part is that everybody that knows us thought we were very happy, heck, I thought we were happy, strained after raising two kids and in a private college in CA, so finances and empty nesting was the reason I thought we were strained. Now that we are in counseling, I see the role I played, in fact, I take the majority of blame (not all) in the stress. But for me to ask her to give up OM is a deal breaker. There is no working on a R with WAW if he is in the picture. If she thinks there is a future for them, then she needs to figure that out, I will be working on me and the R for a long time - so if that doesn't work, and I am still around, great. But for me, I honestly can not function knowing that she is living in our home while continuing an EA with a OM she had a PA with. It will no longer sit with me.
