I am going to make it simple - if she wants to come back, OM has got to be out of the picture. Even if she doesn't want to work on us right now, that is okay. The other is to be treated with civility, I am okay with a roommate right now - we can work from there. If she cannot abide by these two boundaries, I don't see much sense in her moving back.
I miss her a great deal, still love her, but am losing the need to call her or worry about her every move right now. She has been lying to me for over a year now, she won't stop overnight. I just got that ever-so-familiar knot in my stomach... groan.
CBK
Just to confuse the matter further, I thought I'd share my opinion here.
H tried to give me an ultimatum last Nov. Him or OM. I would have chosen to continue to communicate with OM (who I'd never met in person, lived on the opposite coast, who was 13 years older than me). Sounds like a stupid choice, huh.
I wasn't choosing OM, I was choosing not to let H CONTROL ME. That was the major issue in our R. H was extremely controlling.
My H kept saying OM was the wedge between us, he wasn't, our R was the wedge. I kept asking H what was the wedge for the 10 years when OM wasn't around ???
I do agree with setting boundaries on how she treats you.
Just my 2 cents.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
