Backfire for me was that she just kept saying that she deserves to be selfish and her IC said it was okay, so it just made her more upset and me more emotional. What I was trying to do early with telling her she was being selfish was for her to realize all fo the other people involved, she could give a rat's behind.
CBK
Let me ask you this: If you could learn to be less emotional (and I already think you've come a loooooong way in this regard), would you care that she became more "upset"?
What I'm trying to get across to you is to try to make your strategic and tactical decisions based on their likelihood of SUCCESS, NOT on whether or not they "anger" your wife. Your own reactivity is definitely a problem, but it's correctable. HER strong reaction can often mean you've hit a target, and that can be a GOOD thing.
