Wading with Water wings - 23 years...

[CBK]

Thanks Sandi -

You are correct that I am just beginning to heal - I have a long way to go. I am sitting in my office and thinking way too much about MC and the sitch. I feel myself slowly slipping back and trying to get out of this little valley I find myself in.

I agree that a too quick of a homecoming could set us all the way back again. I am very aware of that and I like the idea of maybe saying let's wait a month or so IF you cease all contact with OM. I do think she wants out so bad and be on her own, OM or not. But that will be her choice and I have to stop trying to out guess her, that only gets me in trouble. I even think that maybe she is treating me even worse now because she has broken it off with OM, but only she knows what is going on.

She could financially swing a small apartment if she needed to. I know her mom will drive her crazy with questions all the time.

The problem with me is that I WANT her to come back - I have some major traveling coming up, so that too will help.

I am so mad at myself right now because I feel like I am backsliding a bit. I have done so much better with my emotions and my own mental health - and I feel that same pit in my stomach I did last week. Why do I love this woman so much is beyond me - I have so many reasons to walk away right now but cannot. The good news is that I am not contacting her, dropped the rope, detaching (not totally) and no snooping. This has all helped.

I will get better through the day.

CBK