The place you find yourself in took a long time to build, both you and your wife, there aren't going to be any drastic or sudden positives in your realtionship with your wife, it is going to take time for both of you to learn how to be nice and friendly again with each other.
Jack's right, and like you pointed out, Jeff, my R with my H is very much like the R you have with your W.
After years of being thoughtless and rude to one another, it can be very difficult to 'play nice' at times, BUT it IS doable. You just have to control your reactions, the same way that I have to. I saw some positive actions coming from my H the other day because of this. HOWEVER, we are FAR from where I'd like us to be. It's going to take time. A LOT of time. Oh, and a ton of that patience thing, too. My H reacted nicely to my nice behavior, but the next day (which was yesterday), he was once again mad at the world and everyone in it. It's hard to ignore and not take personally, but we have to do it.
(((Jeff)))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
My H reacted nicely to my nice behavior, but the next day (which was yesterday), he was once again mad at the world and everyone in it. It's hard to ignore and not take personally, but we have to do it.
