I liked to have 2 boyfriends at all times while dating. One local, and one long distance. That way if I lost one, I had another for emotional support until I replaced him. So when I got married, I was in love with both men, my husband and OM. But I chose my husband because OM did not want to get married, and he didn't want children. Things were fine for several years, but then I started missing OM. And I found out he had married someone else. I was heartbroken because I thought he would never marry. That if things didn't work out in my marriage, I could get back together with him. Anyway, the mind took over. I became angry with my husband, convinced he had stolen me away from my true love. And I kept in touch with OM periodically. Even saw him a couple of times. This went on for years! My daughter was an infant when I first had these thoughts, and she was 21 when we finally went to Retrouvaille and fixed our marriage.
As shocked as I was when my H had an affair, I knew I had driven him to it with my cold behavior for 20 years. At Retrouvaille they talked about what you needed to forgive yourself for in your marriage. I knew it was keeping in contact with OM. After Retrouvaille I emailed OM that I was fixing my marriage and would not contact him again. And we've had an occasional email that was newsy, but nothing emotional since then.
