CBK, I see your side of it completely. However, being an almost WAW myself, I think that until she has really turned lose of the OM....moving back home will never work. The tension and problems will pick up right where they were when she left. Even if she was to agree not to contact OM again, I would give her some time apart from you until she was through the initial grieving. B/c she will not treat you the way you want to be treated. The reason I say this is b/c she will be going through all kinds of stages of emotions herself. She would,more than likely,take it out on you if she was in the house with you. She will not want to really be around you for a while and she probably won't feel any sexual attraction for you.....according to what most WAW's have said their experience was. However, some that truly have a change of heart....do really try in that area....but usually problems arise sooner or later if the wife returns too soon.

Missing her is not a mess-up. It is normal and you will have many nights like that. Right now, IMHO, I think spending some time apart is doing both of you some good. If she would consent to break it off with the OM and continue to go to the the MC to talk the R out, then in time perhaps she would be emotionally ready to go back home. But right now.....she will resent you, she will lie to you, she won't respect you, she won't spend quality time with you, she will continue to act pissy, and she will cheat....b/c she's not ready.

You, on the other hand, have just begun to feel a bit stronger and if she comes back right now.....you may fall back into the same condition you were before due to her behavior. I think you need more time to get stronger. Also, being apart from you, she is more likely to see you with different "eyes" than when she was there all the time.

If she has no intentions of breaking it off with the OM, then I would tell her she was free to do what she wanted to do but that you were moving on with your life. I would not bring up about separation or divorce. I would just leave it at that. If she asks you if you want a S or D.....I would tell her that she has always known what you wanted. Don't fall into a trap.

I, for one, do not believe that the LBH should have to support his WAW, but that is your business if you want to help her financially or not. But, how can you trust her with a joint account? You couldn't trust her with your M. So, if you do help her financially, you might want to set up some type of allowance or living expenses until things change.

As usual, you get a lot of opinions from us, so in the end, you have to do what you think is right, but I certainly hope you will think it over, CBK, and not agree to a homecoming too quickly.

Talk later,

Sandi

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!