Well, been waiting to move over to this forum, I think it is safe to do so, hoping I won't jinx anything.
Brief History:
Me 37 H 37 S6 and S4
Fall 2002---My parents move in with us for 5 months, H begins to travel weekly including usually one day of the weekend. S starts kindergarten and becomes a behavior problem. S4 also has speech delays. I become angry with H--never around to help. Everyone miserable.
11/4/02 -- H drops bomb. Wants divorce, no longer in love with me, all future plans do not include me, cannot honor wedding vows. Also lots of cell phone calls, he begins to take them outside. I snoop once, he finds out and hits the roof.
Nov 2002 -- begin M counselor--she is just okay, gets us to see some things, but DR still the best thing that is helping me. I join karate in an attempt to get a life.
Dec 2002 -- we go to London in effort to spend time together. He still singing the same tune that we are not connected.
Winter 2003 --- I keep with my changes and tension eases. D not mentioned since end of January. Ps move out. H begins to travel again, I keep sunny attitude.
May 2003 -- I say one of my bi-weekly ILYs and he says it back. Two weeks ago he says ILY without any prompting. H is planning a mystery vacation for the family in 3 weeks and he is taking me to Switzerland when he goes there for business this summer.
And that is where I am. Made lots of changes in my outlook and now I am his cheerleader with work and try to listen and validate when we talk, but need lots of work there.
Some days I wonder if this is really what I want, and can't believe it after I have worked so hard, but emotions still can be all over the board. I still have angry period where I think I'm doing everything around here, especially when he is in his grumpy moods, but learning to not act on those and to leave him to his moods when they appear.
Dying for a R talk. Last time we talked, he rated our M as a 6 out of 10. Curious if that has improved (that was last month). We have a book we were working on, but haven't done it in about two months and very hesitant to bring it up. Though, I want a happy, healthy M, not one that is just hanging together by strings. Working on the 5LL book at the moment.
So that is my story. Need to dig out my goals and give them a look, haven't done that in a few months.
welcome to piecing... we still have our good days and bad..trying to focus more one the good ones though.. your sit sounds like it has made possitive progress...patience is still the key word (and boy do we all hate that word 'round here)
in any case..welcome to the neighborhood...your in good company here!!
I certainly understand. It is a very delicate balance when we first begin to Piece...and we are gun-shy after all that has transpired... In a way we can bring up some of these issues, but our Ses are still raw and can't handle too much at any one time.
As your H continues to come around you'll be able to test his boundaries further and further...a little bit at a time. This, naturally, will lead to R discussions. Yes, it all takes time...and like LL said, patience.
BTW, both my W and I have read "5 Love Languages" and have found it very helpful. Hopefully your H will get to a place where he will read it too...and put some of the methods to practice.
I am very glad to see you in piecing. Right as I am about to move to another forum because W moved out and filed for D. It kind of goes to show you that it aint over till its over and there is a lot of work to do still to keep things on track. If anything dont backslide like I did and let things go bad.
Im proud of you, you have done such a good job and I know you will keep it up.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
Thank you for the welcome. I will have to make the rounds and get caught up on your situations. This stage seems so odd, it is something I have been working for, and I don't feel like we are exactly in limbo anymore (will he walk out the door?), but I still feel like there are so many things left unsaid. However, I don't know if saying them would do any good and if time (patience) is really my friend, not conversations about the R.
And would you believe it, I finally start going to the gym on a regular basis, find a time I like, and there is my MC. The one I would like to never see again. After the first day of trying to make sure I was always on a machine far from her, the second time I bit the bullet and said hello. She seemed a bit surprised to see me, but we got the hellos out of the way and hoepfully that is all we will have to say when we see each other! What a reminder of horrible times (and I forgot to cancel out last appt--H out of town, and she called and chastised me!)
Not much on the R front, H out of town, he called last night and we had a real nice chat. Sometimes the phone calls feel forced--trying to talk--but last night just rolled along. Though, I think that happened in normal times too, sometimes tons to talk about and other times nothing.
Hope all are having a great day. The sun is actually shining in PA. First time this month, I think.
Jackie, Glad to see you in the Piecing forum. I too, have moved from newcomers...unfortunately my move is to the Seperated forum.
In any event, there will be plenty of things that are better left unsaid...I could spend a full day telling my W things I want to say, but it's best just left alone for now. As you know, you have to draw your H out to you and not scare him back away. Your in one of the most difficult periods now because everything is so up in the air. Stay patient.
It's good to see your conversations are becoming more natural. You two must be getting comfortable with each other again.
Anyhow, you know what you need to do. When you feel like saying something to him..ask yourself the age old question.."will this bring me closer to, or push me further from my goal?" If it won't bring you closer, come on here to vent.
A dream it's true
But I'd see it through
If I could be
Wasting my time with you
-Band:Phish Song:Waste
