I certainly understand. It is a very delicate balance when we first begin to Piece...and we are gun-shy after all that has transpired... In a way we can bring up some of these issues, but our Ses are still raw and can't handle too much at any one time.
As your H continues to come around you'll be able to test his boundaries further and further...a little bit at a time. This, naturally, will lead to R discussions. Yes, it all takes time...and like LL said, patience.
BTW, both my W and I have read "5 Love Languages" and have found it very helpful. Hopefully your H will get to a place where he will read it too...and put some of the methods to practice.
