I had some bad dreams too last night. Up at about 4am, tired, but just couldn't stop thinking about my W. , thinking the exact same thoughts you were. Classic LBS stuff, I'm afraid. It's unfortunately not unusual. He's on your mind, you are still very much trying to reconcile where things are at right now with how you understood your relationship and him to be.
The most important thing is to try to take care of yourself, starting with the basics in all this. This is necessary, not optional, to direct your focus to. It feels sometimes like if we stop obsessing and worrying about our partners, we will lose them for sure, but the obsessing doesn't hold them close. See if you can just go very slowly today and really try to do one or two simple things that are good for nlt.
This is so hard, and I know you are really hurting. So many of us are hurting here. Hang in there.
