You definitely need to be cool these two weeks. Perhaps even going out for a couple nights with some girlfriends (get him to watch your daughter for the evening) and perhaps stay out late. This might really get him wondersing when you are gone for 10 days in another country. I would also start planning some things to do with your daughter before the trip and let him know about them, so he starts to get an idea of what he will be missing out on. This seemed to plant the seed a little bit with my wife....though I admit I would have loved it if she decided to come along with us.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
I don't think my H is ready or eager to do anything together (just the 2 of us). It seems that as a family we can do just about anything but to do something alone with me is not something he's eager to do. So my objective right now is to figure out if thats actually true and if it is how can I change it?
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I seem to be in a similar situation myself, though she seesm to be willing to have some contact with me aside from kids activities....in fact we seem like we are best friends......
I think the approach I would take would be to just act confident and "act as if" he wants to be with you. BY this I mean don't worry about if he does or doesn't....just have good time with yourself and your daughter....I think going off with your Daughter without him will speak volumes on your ability to get along wihtout him. IN the weeks leading up to your trip I would do as much of the prep worj that you can for the trip and don't re;y on him at all. As a guy I can tell you that we like to feel needed and if we are not needed then it makes us a little uneasy or gets us wondering (kind of like turning the tables). Of course I am pretty new at this game....I guess we are the blind leading the blind
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
I think that it would be smart for me to show him I don't need him so much. I can come across as needy sometimes and he's never appreciated it even though he likes to feel needed. Another thing he doesn't like is when I put the blame for our R on myself. Overall 2 big 180s would be my showing him I don't need him and to stop blaming myself and putting myself down. I must act confident and not let every little thing get to me.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Sounds like a good game plan for you. If anything I should probably follow some of this advice as well. I find myself taking the blame all the time. But I guess in her head it is all my fault....but everyone knows it takes two to mess things up and if we follow the DB guide then opne to fix it (with fingers crossed and hands praying of course).
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
(((Jen))) I have too much going on in my own head today to comment on anyone's situation, but you are in my thoughts.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Well, last night H was at the apartment doing laundry and ironing. We taked again. I think we gotta stop it but it clears up so much. At least he's still thinking of our R. Maybe not in a positive way but he is looking at it carefully. I think I'll avoid all R talks for the next few days though to take the pressure off.
As it turns out H's cousin and her H from Peru are visiting this coming weekend. H said they would stay here and sleep on the sofa bed. I told him that I would sleep on the sofa and they could take my bed. He said that he would also stay here because he felt it wouldn't be right if his family stayed here and he didn't. I told him that it was fine and that it'd be nice to have him around. He asked if he could have his tiny corner of the bed for the weekend (before he left he slept as far away from me as possible). He said the same thing that at least 80% of WAS say "I don't want you to get your hopes up". I told him I wasn't (big lie!)
So what's a girl to do? I have H his cousin, and her H planning on staying here for the weekend. I honestly see this as a chance to show H that we can "live" together without fighting and we can be good together.
I hope that they don't change their plans because to tell the truth its a golden opportunity. So any prayers, hoaxes, wishes etc that he does stay here this weekend would be appreciated right now.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
