Hope4us struggle, part 4

[Hope4us]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the comments.

Oh boy, finished that book and is now reading another one that talks about a woman getting a divorce and how wonderful love can be the second time around. It's like I'm reading books to see how we can save our marriage and she's reading books on how wonderful her life is going to be after she deserts her H and kids.

Last night was pretty decent. WW actually shared a funny story from work and we laughed about that. I mowed/trimmed the yard and WW spent the rest of the night finishing her book. I started reading "after the affair" for the second time and when I got up this morning it looked like the book was in a different position than I'd left it so maybe WW took a look at it?

She also got another bathing suit delivered last night. And man is it skimpy. If things weren't the way they are, I'd be jumping up and down right now, but really, she's 47 and has lost a lot of weight (even though she wasn't heavy before) and I just don't think those skimpy suits will look that great on her. Can anyone say MLC?

I was sitting there last night reading and also remembering a thread I read on another one of the forums here that talked about feelings at the beginning of and during early piecing. I don't know that I would say we're there yet, but a lot of those posts really hit home with me. It's like now that it seems the affair is over (even if there is some email/phone contact going on that I don't know about) that a lot of my emotions that I've been keeping in all this time are coming out. I know I've mentioned that before, but it's worse now. And I just don't trust anything and my mind goes through all these scenario's and none of them are good.

The bathing suits for example. WW buying a couple new suits is nothing new. She does that vitrually every year. But now I think about the TM's I saw WW exchanging with the enabler GF a couple months ago that the GF told WW she should go to Fla with her because it would do her some good and there's lots of Australian guys in the area her brother lives there. So now I'm thinking she's going to pull a "I'm going to Fla with GF" and I'll know (at least think I know) that the object is to flirt and possibly hookup with guys. Or maybe even OM flies down also and they spend a "wonderful" week together. She does this a couple times a year and then when DS graduates from H.S. she's on her way, the whole time I'm spending all my money supporting her so she can make her planned exit.

Ok, I know the last part is just my mind going wild. These kinds of things will do that to you. I know I just need to keep my PMA and see if we continue to make any progress. Seems the last couple weeks her good moods out weigh her bad moods and the last 3-4 days there have been no bad moods. Is that a good sign she's coming out of the fog/contuning to progress through WD?

My plan hasn't changed. Keep up like this until July and then reevaluate where we are and make a decision then.

Sorry for the ramble. Ok, don't mention the books. Possibly reinitiate some touching when the time is right.