Well, my birthday is this weekend. Can I be the hot 42 year old?
Back to basics. W just left. She was supposed to come over for dinner but bagged. Showed up 1.5 hours late. We chatted about everything as usual. She kept acting like she needed to leave, but stayed and stayed.
Long story short, she started getting teary as she finally stood to go. Said she had a dream about my best friend and his wife, who she was good friends with. Then she said she didn't feel like she could contact them. I told her she had her own relationship with them, but he was my best friend - I didn't feel like I could contact her best friends. She said she knew that and then started crying and said she was sorry. I said I was sorry too, I wished things had turned out different, I had tried but it wasn't good enough. She stood there, slumped and teary, so I went and hugged her. She hugged me back and we just stood there for awhile, then she left, wiping tears and acting confused.
I feel like her decisions are really starting to hit home. But I don't know. Is this all just part of the process of divorcing? Of letting go?
She is definitely conflicted. What that means is anyone's guess. You handled it well, just keep up what you are doing. Keep expectations low, but hope is there. Don't pursue, let her think about things. I hope she has more sense than my W.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
Just curious; when she says she's sorry, why do you say you're sorry, too? I'd simply say "Yes, this is very painful, isn't it." or something like that.
btw, you can BE the hot 42 year old, just don't get to DO the hot 42 year old, LOL.
Actually I didn't write that correctly. I said I was sorry that things had turned out the way they had. I didn't say I was sorry for anything I'd done. Nor should I because I've been the one who's been patient and understanding through this whole thing. Granted there were negatives that I brought into the marriage and I actively pursued working and fixing those things from a very early stage. But W was already trying to start another relationship so never responded.
So she's been swamped on trying to do this big project with OM and the deadline keeps getting extended and it basically sounds like a nightmare. Maybe that grass isn't looking so green these days?
Lodo, it's still a minimizing statement, and I'm not saying to say it EVERY TIME and beat her over the head with it. But I do see on the boards where a LOT of wayward spouses say things like "I"m sorry," and "I really messed things up, didn't I" and "You didn't deserve this," etc., and their betrayed spouses say/do something to ease their pain. I think a truth dart, not said in anger, is the better response.
Karen