Last weekend was not a good one. I felt better this morning.

Thanks for checking in on me, Mark. I do realize the importance of the NC policy. I just got put back at Day 1 with my withdrawal. The diet metaphor was a good one. The second withdrawal is harder than the first time.

As for the phone, H and I talked about doing something about that. But, he didn't want to. I may be the one that needs it, though. We had talked about moving, but he doesn't want to do that either. I am open to what he wants, Mark. I am usually the one to suggest these types of things. But, he doesn't seem to want to. I worry...sometimes I think he just tries to forget anything even happened.....I don't think that is good....but, maybe it is...I don't know.

Thoughts of the OM.....yeah, every day, many times during the day. I hear what you are saying about the OM and how bad he is. My mind hears ya, but my heart says differently. I can try, but it never works. I can think of MANY reasons why he and I would never last, and how miserable I would be. But, I still miss him. It's frustrating. I CAN, however, "do something" when thoughts of OM come up. I can keep myself busy to not think about him 24/7. I guess this is good because then eventually it will go away....right? This better go away, because I don't know if I can live like this the rest of my life. I keep thinking it is the "drug". Just need to get "clean", and then I'll be fine. Right?

I have gotten rid of everything. The problem is that we are still living in the same home so my home address and home phone are still the same. If my H wanted to do something about that, I would. The OM would have to write me a letter in the mail (which he did), call our home phone, or come directly to our house. My H knows this. If I wanted to contact him, I could easily. I could go to any pay phone (I know his number by heart), I could redownload messengers and send a message to his ID (I know this by heart as well), I could go to his house, I could go to where his club is, etc. I know I won't contact him, so I am not worried. Brick wall or not, it is possible. But, I haven't made it easy for either of us anymore. The cell phone was the main one, and it is gone.