The weekend was good. I think I mispoke. I'm actually going to my parents for the long Memorial Day weekend. We stayed around home this past weekend.
I had told H that I wanted to talk about things this weekend. He was around, but didn't make himself very available to talk. I'm not sure why he can't just do this. I don't want to be told from OW's H what is happening in my life. I want the man that I've known for 17 years to tell me. Instead, H wanted "family" time.
On Friday evening H went grocery shopping. He came home, made dinner & then popped a movie in.
On Sat., D4 and I had plans in the morning. We left H at home & went to a friend's house. When we got home, H was not around & had done nothing around the house, as he said he had planned to do. When he came home, he wouldn't tell me where he'd been. I didn't push, but just asked what he'd done. It also appeared as if he'd been out drinking. He had asked me earlier if D4 and I would like to go to dinner on Sat. night. We took D4 out to a nice restaurant on a lake. Afterward, we took her for ice cream. When we got home, H crashed on the couch. Again, no time for a talk. Although I did call H out on something on Sat. morning. We received our government stimulus check. He asked me to write him a check for his 1/2. I reminded him that he'd borrowed money from me while we were in IN last weekend & that he still owed me for my portion of the federal income taxes. He joked that he'd pay me back next paycheck. I told him to go pull it out of the other account he has been stuffing money into. H had a look of shock on his face. I said, Yes, I do know about that account. He told me that just because he gets brochures from bank "XYZ" that it doesn't mean he has an account open there. I said, 1st off, I never said what bank it was and 2nd, I know for a fact you have an account open there. He told me to stop snooping. I told him that I hadn't snooped for a long time but that I knew about the account. He told me to stay out of his email. I said, I don't have access to your email. He said, well you're finding this out somehow. I told him that I do not have access to his email and I didn't have to have access to know the things I do. I reminded him that our daughter is 4 and she talks a lot too. Nothing else came from H's mouth.
On Sunday we just did some things around the house, went shopping for some things for all of us. We took D4 to a park. After that, H made dinner while I did some things around the house. The evening consisted of picking up after D4, her bath, dinner....etc. Again, H did not make himself available for a talk.
I think I'll be pushing H for a talk either tonight or tomorrow night. This isn't going to be an easy conversation for me either, but I just don't want to hear how things are going to play out from someone else.
And yes, H did try for sex again this weekend. His doing that and playing "family guy" really pushes the fact that he's a lost man.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I didn't have to handle it. His attempts were on Friday night & early Sun. morning. Both times D4 woke up and walked into the room just as he was trying. Both times H went & laid down on the couch while I tended to D4. He was asleep by the time I got D4 taken care of.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
It's been crazy busy at work and quiet at home. Saw a few more links to rentals for what I can only assume is what OW is sending H. I went ahead and filled out my own rental application today too. I'm getting all my paperwork together for a place close by that has everything D4 and I need.
Not much time for discussions last night. H was home, but crashed out very early. He just left to take D4 to the park. I'm sure he'll avoid it again tonight. I know we need to talk, but the way he avoids it, I feel like just taking care of what I need to do and let him approach me on it.
I went to D4's school today for an Alphabet Party. It was so cute. The kids sang, did their letters in sign language, got certificates & had cake.
I'm looking very forward to the long weekend at my parent's house. Although we found out today that a gentleman that most of my family knows passed away this morning. My parent's know his parents, my sister works with his wife & sister-in-law....etc. So, I'm sure their will be a little somber tone as they deal with that.
I'd like to sit with my mom this weekend also and go through expenses. She's an accountant, bookkeeper....etc. for the company she works for. She's very good at crunching numbers and looking at everything. She'd be able to help me see what I can/cannot afford on my own. I will need H's help with daycare, but if he for some reason doesn't step up for anything other than that, I think I can still handle things.
Well, I better go before they get back from the park.
Have a good evening.......
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 05/21/0812:28 AM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
You're on the right track. Do take care of what you need to do and allow him to approach you. You kinda have a heads up that he's planning on moving out in June. Your lease is up in July, right? Do you want to drag this out longer, even if he decides to?
You're a smart lady The courts will decide how much he'll pay in child support. Do you know what the formula is for your state? In AL they add the parents' incomes together, the cost of childcare and healthcare and decide an amount (from a set table) of support. Then they apply the percentage of income you each provide to that amount. Say the amount of support is $500 a month and his income is 60% of the household income. The amount he would pay is $300. There isn't any negotating the amounts. The money was taken out of my H's paycheck and sent straight to the court. If you have any evidence of his secret account.. bank statements or something, hold onto it. You're entitled to part of that money. Just because he hides it doesn't mean it's not still marital income. I'm sure your Mom will give you great advice this weekend and will tell you to make sure you and D4 are taken care of. One of the biggest mistakes women make is to not ask for and get what they're entitled to. Whether it's fear of anger, abuse, custody battles.. keep on track with making sure you get the support from your H.
