Hey sweetie, you sound sooooo much better now. Sorry to have hit you so hard up beside the head, but I was afraid that you were totally loosing it.
I think with your W leaving, it has given you a chance to take in a deep breath and look at your stitch more perspectively. You have been able to look back and see what your main problems were and hopefully watch out and not repeat those in the future....but all you can do is keep trying. You know my saying, just because your foot slips.....don't jump off the entire mountain!
H4H is right in that people should be able to come here and express their thoughts and journal. However, please let us know when that is what you are doing. Usually you did tell us in advance that you were just journaling, but the time you were talking about how you thought of driving by where your W was....you didn't tell us your were journaling....and even though you said you were just thinking about it.....I knew you were in deep trouble b/c you were so obsessed with the whole thing. Which, all of what you have been through is normal....it is awful for anybody to have to suffer that kind of pain.
I'll have to say that you have been given more......shall I say contradicting advice than about anyone I've ever seen on this board. So, all in all......you sound pretty well in control considering everything...lol.
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My choice is now to mend and heal. I have been beating myself up daily, obsessing daily, etc. No more Sara - I am done with that. Will I slip now and then, I am sure I will, but I don't ever want to be where I was - that was pure misery!
This is being realistic! No more asking "why did my W do this" etc. That gets you nowhere. But, you had to get over that hump. Yes, you will probably slip at times, but you sound so much stronger now and I think you will start to heal. Now you will be able to start the kind of work on yourself that we have been trying to tell you about, but you were hurting too badly to see it (I think). When a person is in so much pain, you just can't think rationally. That is why we have the 2x4's......to help one's thinking. It is like a "shock treatment" and I know some don't approve of it, but it usually gets your attention.
At any rate, we all care very much about you.....even if everyone doesn't agree on what you should do or how you should do. You have had more responses that just about anyone I know.....and that says a lot about you.
CBK, I don't want to give false hope here, but your W leaving the house may put a lot of pressure on the OM. If your W is wanting him to leave his M and is showing him that she has walked away from hers.....I would think it would apply pressure on him. So, this could be the breaking point of their A. But, regardless of how it goes, you have the right attitude and I want you to keep it. The fact that she is going to MC surprises me since she has left the house. Her crying was a sign that the reality of walking away from a 23 year M was hitting her. Like I said, the two of you have a history where she and OM do not. Howbeit, she may try to rewrite it occasionally!
I know that DBing says to keep a PMA, but I think you are being realistic and are saying....."I'm hoping for the best, but am braced for the worst".
She is crazy if she leaves a man like you. It is obvious that you worship the ground she walks on. We are all hoping and praying that this will work out. I think it will take time.....but however it turns out.....YOU are going to be okay! I think you are seeing clearly now and know what you need to do....at least you have a better idea.
And, CBK......you did man-up.
Take care, sweetie. You still have a lot of living to do, so make everyday count.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
