"...the man the feminists cried out for on paper is not a man they would actually want to sleep with."
You have struck gold!
To a greater or lesser extent, men and women are all a mixture of masculine and feminine traits. Many modern men, particularly the kind that want to marry and have children, tend to have more of the sensitive, empathetic, nurturing feminine traits. There are also a large number of men that, due to their upbringing or other societal reasons, have been conditioned to seek feminine approval. Women that have a maternal instinct i.e. who also want to marry and have a family, find those feminine traits in a man attractive at first, usually enough to get married anyway.
But once the honeymoon and the children are out of the way, these men and the women who originally thought they would make such great husbands, are left asking themselves: Why are there no sparks flying in the bedroom?
The answer is that great sex springs from mutual attraction, not from being a good breadwinner or housewife or parent. Sharing financial responsibility, housework and childcare are to be commended, but can lead to many couples becoming indistinguishable and asexual. There is thus no polarity and no sexual spark. That's a great shame.
The answer for the majority of couples - I really think so - is for the man and the woman to each reclaim and "play up" their masculinity and femininity.
For the man that means strength (physical and mental), courage, presence, direction, energy, passion and relentless optimism for the future. The majority of men in SSMs have lost these qualities, or are waiting for their woman to give them sex before showing them, or are only "faking" them in order to get sex (women can sense this), or never really had these qualities to begin with.
The good news is that any man who is prepared to step up to the plate and accept that being masculine is his responsibility and no-one else's, can cultivate his manhood to an astonishing degree. Masculine qualities can be seen in other men, read about, learned and developed. All this requires is a genuine desire for change, discipline and time.
That process can have a truly profound effect, and not just in the bedroom.
Strong&Alive
"A man can be destroyed but not defeated" - from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.
Which I take to mean that every man has within him a spirit of relentlessness and optimism. Its already there; he just has to cultivate it.
