affair

[sandi2]

JC, I know the feeling that you will loose your mind very well! My blood pressure must have stayed sky-high all the time and I was probably as close to a nervous break-down as I've ever been or want to be. Honey, I do understand.....I really do. I did not have a long lost love, like you, but mine was an on-line EA that is very embarrassing to even tell. However, I have told it several times just so that I may be able to help just one person not make the same mistake that I did and not allow it to go any farther than it already has. I know that yours is not an on-line A but it is an A of the heart and it hurts just as bad.

I have to be honest with you and tell you that I was never rejected by a man, so I don't know the hurt it must cause. However, I always thought that if I had been rejected that that would cause me to be able to get over him more quickly due to "pride". I would probably die before he would know that I was pinning away for him. There was one time in high school that I had a pretty big crush on a boy that I had hoped would end up being my steady boyfriend but he dated another girl....so I guess you could say that that was somewhat of a rejection....not near what you've been through, but just to try to make a comparison, I remember that I simply fought to not allow myself to like him. I did everything to think about anything but him and to stay as busy as I could. I especially worked real hard on me, improving myself every way that I could. I was determined that he would not break my heart and that I would get over him. I know that was a long, long time ago.....and it was high school and this is adult R's we are talking about here. Somehow, I think I would still be the same. In fact, I kept thinking that if my OM on line would just say or do something that would cause me not to like him.....or he would "reject" me.....it would make it so much easier for me to forget him and get on with my life with my H.

Oh, I hope that telling you all this does not make you feel worse, b/c I'm strictly talking about my feelings and not yours. But, I am hoping that you have enough self pride and spunk that you will be determined that you will not allow yourself to be love sick over this OM. He had his chance with you and he blew you off. That should be enough to tell you where he stands. It's rather convenient that his W is pregnant and I'm not saying that she really isn't, but I think if he was as in love with you as you feel you are for him.....he would have told you that after the baby was born he would leave his W or work something out to be with you. But, he didn't.

Professionals say that love is a "choice".....well, I believe that making up your mind to get over a person is a choice also. Nobody can do this for you.....only you can do it. And, guess what? It is as hard a thing as you will ever do! It is probably harder than trying to have feelings for your own H.

Do you think that the OM was always your lost love and you made him your fantasy? When you felt unhappy in your M, did you think how differently things would have been if only you had M the OM?

We can allow ourselves to get to a really bad point. I know b/c I did the same thing with my OM. He was such a fantasy that no man could have lived up to the image I had made of him.

I am having problems with my computer and have to shut down for now. But, I will talk to you more later. Please take care.

Sandi