The decision is made

[ACJ]

Ater two and a half years I FINALLY got a babystep. Yeeeeeeeeeeeyy!

Don't all get too excited though. It's not a M babystep. Id asked H for the dates when he is going to Czech Republic for his future BILs wedding as S15 is temporarily coming home then. He'd sent them yesterday and I responded with a thank you and a 'I can now get his room ready'. This morning he sent me another email that said I could borrow HIS blow up bed if I wanted! I was going to let him know that I should have a new bed by then but I didn't I just replied 'thanks will let you know if I need it'.

For me this is a big thing b/c its the first act of kindness he has shown towards me since he left. Admittedly it is probably b/c it involves S15 but it is in stark contrast to him not letting D12 borrow his tent b/c 'your mother will be sleeping in it!'

So I now know I have about five weeks to get S15s bedroom decorated and comfortable.

[BeingMe]

I wonder if that's a unconscious response to your kindness to OW. Maybe, by your sorta accepting the sitch as it is, and even helping out with a job, it 'loosened' up his psyche some????? (If you have to 'use' the OW to get a better R out of H then I say bury her in kind acts ... she is not the problem, or the issue really, except a fly in the ointment on the odd occasion ... very annoying, but unavoidable for now ... ugh! )

Just doing a 'mmmmmm' analysis here, so huge conjecture.

Still, a nice positive step, no matter the reason, 'eh!

Take care.

[ACJ]

I wonder if that's a unconscious response to your kindness to OW

Yes I did consider that possibility myself. I'm not reading anything into it but it was just soooooooo nice to get a pleasant email from him for a change.

Definately a positive step.

[ACJ]

Aaarrrrrrrrrrgh I just lost a fairly long post.

H had a hissy fit tonight. He rang to ask if S15 was here (which he wasn't) but that was just a cover for his real intentions.

He said if financial paperwork is not exchanged by Wed he is taking me straight to court and suing me for the costs!

I said I hadn't even seen the paperwork back from my L yet. He said his had been turned round in 2 days. Pointed out his L obviously isn't very busy He said his L recommended I sack my L and counter sue them for the costs he will get from me! I should've asked if I would be charged for that advice (damn). I reminded him I am out of town at a funeral tomorrow. He said my L would have to fax me the stuff on Weds am and I could sign it and fax it back. If he thinks I'm only going to skim read it he can think again.

He went off in a tirade at the end of which I said 'Is that the end of your tantrum?' He said 'No my tantrum will last until all of this over' That has to be the closest he has come to admitting MLC

He said some more and then said he was going. I said ok I love you to and hung up.

I assume he'd had a row with OW and he thought he would just share his misery with little old me.

[BeingMe]

Your post made me think of David J. Pollay's Law of the Garbage Truck (one of the speakers at church used it this last Sunday).

The main thrust of the law is this:
"Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier."

Here's a link to the full story ... http://www.northstarwriters.com/djp025.htm

He can try and charge you for something he decided to get his L to do, but that doesn't mean he will win. Perhaps you should just get your L to send out a little tidbit, for the time being, while you take the time to read through everything. Maybe, she can warn that her client is being harrassed, and that will not be taken lightly? These bullying tactics are ridiculous!

I think it showed some real self awareness of your H to admit he is having a several years long tantrum. He must be such fun to live with now, 'eh! NOT! (At least, I sure hope not.)

Take care.

[naej]

When you posted this:

"He went off in a tirade at the end of which I said 'Is that the end of your tantrum?' He said 'No my tantrum will last until all of this over' That has to be the closest he has come to admitting MLC "

I took your H to mean "all of this over' being the separation/divorce NOT that he was admitting to MLC.
Not that it really matters just a pov.
I am sorry Mr nice guy didn,t last though. A full 24 hours would have been nice.

[ACJ]

I took your H to mean "all of this over' being the separation/divorce

That is what he meant. My reference about him 'admitting' to MLC was b/c he retained the word tantrum!

[ACJ]

Perhaps you should just get your L to send out a little tidbit

She already did that. When I rang this morning she was with a client so I left a message with her receptionist. I then rang back after the funeral and she was on another call. Fortuanately the lady I spoke to was the same one I had spoken to this morning. She told me she had passed on the message and that my L had dictated a letter to her which she had been instructed to fax to Hs L. It stated that 'we' will be in a position to exchange information week beg 2nd June. It also pointed out that the time delay is not my fault it is due to problems they have been having with staff illness/holidays.

The same lady did assure me that H couldn't just 'take me to court' so looks like I can sit back down on the kerb and wait.

On another note I found out this morning that my niece got attacked by two dogs last night when she was walking her dog. She has a nasty bite on her hand and her dog is very lucky to be alive (it's only down to a passer by that things aren't more serious).

[BeingMe]

Omigosh, ACJ! Your poor niece. She must've been so frightened!

Sounds like your L has things under control. Make sure you have copies of all correspondence between the L's, and keep track of what was said by your H, etc. You just never know that there might come a time when you will need to refer to stuff, and will be glad you have notes and files on hand. Might never need it, but I believe in covering your back (I never was this cynical before my H betrayed me, but I do learn my lessons well).

Anyway, I don't want to be a downer, or anything. Stay strong, and keep moving forward. Life is a wonderful adventure, and these times are just some thornbushes in the way of the road leading to treasures that we cannot even imagine. I keep telling myself that, and I think I'm beginning to believe it.

Take care.

[ACJ]

H is back in the 'spew and flee' mode. No great surprise there really.

Today I got yet another call from school from yet another subject teacher telling me that S15 was still behind with his coursework. He has officially left school for goodness sake and only has to go in for exams and NOW they tell me this!

I was busy and had just arrived at an appointment so I just sent H a text saying I had received this call and would he please call me this evening.

When I got home from work I called S15 myself to find out what was going on. He was annoyed b/c his teacher had also spoken to him and he had received a call from his dad asking what was going on. He wanted to know why I was ringing as well. I said I was just carrying out the promise I made to his teacher. He asked why I had got H involved b/c now he was worried as well. Well duh you are living with him now so he needs to know! He backed down when I said that.

As H had already spoken to S15 I didn't expect him to call. I thought he would do his usual and just take his talk with S15 as fulfilling his parental responsibilities. However I misjudged him and he did phone. At first he asked if D12 was here and I said no she had gone swimming. He then said he had spoken to S15, he was going to the extra lesson tomorrow and he had until after the half term break (next week) to hand in the final version. I said ok that is fair enough. He hung up.

I will have to assume that his L has received the fax from mine and that this has been communicated to H as he made no reference to it. Looks like it's back to having to be a mind reader for a while.

Meanwhile back in the adult world I am ploughing on with my own course work!