Holding Pattern

[sandi2]

Dear JWS, I won't kid around with you.....it is serious stuff. There are all kinds of on-line things that one can become addicted to. My addiction was for male attention and getting my female ego boosted....big time. As far as replacing a "real" relationship.....I think for a while, it does. It is satisfying but then more is needed. Just as with a drug.....a little is enough at first, but after a while, you have to take more to get the desired effect. That is why an EA on-line usually turns into the people meeting in real life and then having a one night stand or an on-going PA.

As I have said before, if it had not been for the people here telling me what I was getting myself into and how the brain was actually affected by a chemical reaction to this "feeling of being in love", I would have continued until I had really messed my life up for good. I happened to find an E-book that talked about the same thing and I bought it and downloaded it on line and it followed up everything that the people here had told me. Since then I have read other books that would explain the same thing. It is an addiction.....plain and simple. The longer she continues in this state the deeper she will go until nothing can satisfy her and she will be in a vicious circle trying to satisfy her own empty soul and emotions. She will be on a frantic search for "true love" and happiness, but due to her involvement in this jumping from one man to another in order to get the "thrill".....a relationship won't last very long until it will fade and then she will move on to the next man.

I think very professional help...not from just a counselor, but from a psychiatrist would be what is needed to help a person that has gotten very deep in this condition. I don't have a lot of confidence with counselors in things this serious. I have learned that a lot of counselors don't actually have that much training in the field of psychiatry.

I can tell you that I wanted to have my time alone bad enough that I was almost ready to walk out of my M and get a place of my own, just so I could have privacy to on-line A's. Now that is pretty pathetic! I also know of another stitch where the W left her H just in order to do that very thing. As far as an on-line "community".....do you mean like a chat room or a group that supports what she is doing? B/c in the beginning, it was a big thrill to me. I had never done anything "sinful" like that before and so it was a whole new world that opened for me.

I think it can become a sickness if it isn't stopped, just as drinking, gambling, or porn can control one's life.

Isn't very encouraging, I know. That is why my heart goes out to you. I was so blessed to have a family that stood by me, but most of all......to find out in time...what was really happening to me and then try to get the strength to stop it. You see, even after finding out what was going on.....I had to get the will power to stop....and I discovered that was not easy. Just as with any other addiction....it is hard to break.

I really hate that her parents kind of "kicked her out". I understand that they were hoping that it would cause her to turn back to you if they did not support her, but it didn't work and so now, she may really hit rock bottom not having them to turn to.

I hope and pray that she will get help soon.....before it is too late.