What do I do, he seems to be so content without us and pleased to be on his own without any responsibilities. How do I make him miss us and realize how important family and marriage are? I hate this so much.
The sad thing is that you cannot "make" him feel or do anything he doesn't want to. You have no control over him and the sooner you can accept that fact the better off your health will be b/c you are going to become very sick with your anger issues. You are letting all of this get to you. You want him back and yet you are so mad at him over the financial end of things. I think that that is over-shadowing everything else at the moment.
He is probably acting like he is simply b/c it is a relief to be out from under the "pressure" that he felt for a long time.
I would not discuss D with him. As long as it can be put off, the longer you have to show him how you have changed. But, sweetie, you have got to change first. You are too angry right now and that is what is shining through all your good efforts. If you could talk to somebody like a Pastor or Counselor (that is pro-marriage) and maybe get this anger out. I can understand anger and resentment b/c I have had to work on myself in that area. When we go for years and years of pushing it all down inside of us....it will explode after a while or else turn us into very ugly bitter old women. I think that is the saddest thing on earth is to see a person who has allowed themselves to get in that shape. Fight it Rusty, don't let it turn you into a person that nobody can stand to be around.
If he has started seeing OW, then it is like finding a new "toy" for men and he may not want to give it up. All you can do at this time to to work on that list I gave you and really work on the anger issues. If it can be resolved, then work on that, but if it can't, then I don't think you should consider trying to enter back into a R with him until all of that has been worked through.
Take care.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
