Well, I went out with some friends Friday night. While I was out H texted me and asked if I was home. I told him no and asked why and he said because he wanted to come by and see me. I told him maybe I could see him Saturday. He said he had to work all day so I would have to come see him at work, so I told him to just let me know when he was off and maybe we could get together.
Saturday he called and asked me to lunch before he went to work. We had a really nice time. He was actually reminiscing some and saying things like "that is something I have always loved about you."
Then we started talking about the house in Texas. He asked if when it sold if I would want to buy one here. I told him yes, that was the plan. He said "I would like to join you in that endeavor." I said "Um, I don't really think that is a good idea." He asked why not and I just said because. He kept pushing and I said "You don't want to be married, why would you think I would think it would be a good idea to buy another house with you."
Then he said, well I think I can get out of my funk if we could just sell that house. Now, keep in mind that he isn't giving me any money for the house....so I should be the one in a funk over it. We talked about it some more and I gathered that he feels extremely guilty about that. I also think that I am a constant reminder to him about how he isn't helping with anything. The thing that bothers me is that instead of him running from these problems...we should be facing them together. That is all I need from him, just to be in it with me...emtionally. He doesn't get that.
When we were leaving the restaurant he was hugging on me. In the car he reached over and put his hand on my leg, which he hasn't done since pre bomb. When he did that I looked at him and said "Thank you for getting rid of batman." He smiled and said "I threw it away." He said he didn't think I would notice, and I told him that I really appreaciate that. He said "babysteps, right?" It was a good moment and hopefully it showed him that there ARE things he can do to make things better.
Reading that last paragraph made me smile, Kris. There are baby steps there.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I sent H an email earlier to tell him I was thinking about him and I hoped he has a good day off.
He sent me one back and said he had been thinking about me today too and wanted to know if I wanted to go to lunch today. So it looks like I have another lunch date.
Oh yeah...H's phone got cut off. I guess he did just stop paying it. It is in OW's name so I am wondering if they will be calling her about it or even if they will cut her phone off too if it isn't paid. He hasn't said if she has emailed him about it or anything. I bet she will be mad...oh well, serves her right, she shouldn't have gotten a phone and signed a contract with a married man!
The phone thing is just funny. And not your problem!
I agree! The only thing is that gives her a reason to call him....but I KNOW how he likes to avoid talks like that...so he is going to be avoiding her like the plague!
Well, we had a nice lunch. I asked me if I wanted to go out for drinks tonight. I don't know if I can yet, but told him I would get with him after work today.
I have noticed a few things. It is better to talk to H about things while we are out. Maybe he feels less trapped, or maybe it is better to be on "neutral" ground. It is also better just to casually ask questions, rather than asking if we can talk about something. He tends to get defensive if it is "scheduled" but if it just happens to come up then he seems to talk freely.
