Maybe Last Thread in Separating, Found DB 2 Late

[cw68]

Well, just got back from the lawyer. Really liked her. She is divorced herself with a 5-year old boy, remarried now. I felt like she was giving me real information and not selling me on her services or anything. In fact, she recommended going with a mediator and ended up only charging me for a 1/2 hour of her time though we spent almost an hour, which her stated consultation rate is 1 hour billable.

She thinks I should file, though she doesn't think we should divorce. She said that her opinion was that me saying I'll never file allows him to sit in this comfy spot as he slowly detaches himself from me, that my inaction is allowing him the room to do this at his own speed. She said that it's obvious that he's not taking any steps back to the relationship and it's time to stop allowing him to do that. Her big point was that filing doesn't mean it's over, heck we can sit there with it filed for five years and not do a thing, but in the meantime I've forced the issue while he's still feeling guilt, remorse and on the fence, and protected myself.

I had told her multiple times that I trust him financially, because I do. She said that's good, and usually we know our spouses, but that as he gets more and more comfortable with this situation as it is, he may feel more and more anger with me and feel more "entitled" to treat himself because his life is so rough. Filing will protect me financially.

So now I have a lot of thinking to do. Is it time to do the LRT? Perhaps it is.

At the end of the session, she told me that her wish is that instead of getting a divorce that we, instead, get the tools to make our marriage work, but that that takes two and right now there's only one on that page. She recommended that I make a move to protect myself and perhaps propel the two of us back to the marriage, or at least on the path of healing.