in limbo and an emotional mess...

[MAZ]

not so much as involved the ambulance company other than that he had stopped there several times with her in tow, she would meet him there to pick up/drop off his car, etc. so everyone there knows what is going on,, involved them in the sense that his friends/coworkers are aware of the situation thats all

[karen43]

Hi mzul! Sorry to hear about your situation, but happy that you found us here! There are a great group of people here!!!

I noticed your H is the same age as mine, and from your H's actions too I am thinking he might be in MLC? My H is definitely in MLC and basically has become a different person from before. I have found the MLC resource threads to be helpful also. Karen

[MAZ]

Thanks Diana, I have ordered the book you and several others have suggested, and I too am sorry that you are going through a similar situation. It is very difficult hearing him talk about the OW, which is not as often lately, as I have not seen him in a few days, as much as I hate hearing it from him I figure if I am trying to be there as a friend and someone he can talk to then I still have that door open. I like the journal idea, I had started writing every once in a while but usually it is just to get the hurt and pain out of my system when I am getting overlly emotional about the situation,, it sounds like you are at least making some progress and that is good I hope it keeps getting better for you. I totally agree with your statement about knowing that you at least will know you did everything you could to save your marriage, and that is my goal, even though there are days where I just want to give up I cannot throw away 20 years without trying. I just wish I knew what was bothering him all this time before it got to this point..

[MAZ]

sugar, the friends thing as hard as it is at least keeps them communicating in some way and lets me know anyway that he is still comfortable talking to me, it does bother me that he doesn't seem to think it hurts me though,,what bothers me more is when we are having a conversation about us and she calls, which she does constantly, he will not only sit and talk to her but say "I love you" to her when he hangs up right in front of me... I feel like there is no respect for my feelings, and clearly get upset, is it too much to ask that you don't say it in front of me at least,, especially when he says the same thing to me when he leaves or gets off the phone with me,, only difference is she is not with him when he says it to me. I have not sought any C yet but I have advised my sons school as to what is going on as they have programs and people he can talk to about these kinds of things,,although he tells me he will not talk to anyone but me right now. My neighbor is a divorced single dad and told him if he ever needs to talk he can come on over so there are others besides me he can talk to as well. He will not talk to his father right now about this as he is too angry about the whole situation. As far as what I want and need, I want to "fix" everything, I know I can't do it alone and unless H wants to and actually makes an effort I don't know if I can, I am still at the point where I want him to come home and work on our marriage and not rip our family apart. My fear though is that even if he does he will not stop having contact with the OW, over the last few weeks I have found out that this was going on for years - i know this isn't about me though, right now my kids are the most important thing, they both play baseball and I enjoy being at every game and watching them play, that at least keeps me busy for a while, I am always there for them but they know when I am hurting even if I am having a good day.

I noticed that your info says that the OW in your situation is pregnant,,,I am so sorry about that,,, that is my fear in my situation as well.... I so much as told H that it is going to happen, right now that is the only thing she can do to guarantee that he won't go anywhere,, as I said in an earlier post, she has nothing to offer him except the time that I couldn't because I am at work, see he works mostly nights and I work days so his days were always free and he spends them with her most of the time. her boyfriend kicked her out when he found out about this so she is living in a shelter and my H is going to be her way out one way or another, this is going to get very complicated I fear and I don't think H even realizes what she is doing

[MAZ]

Karen- I was thinking the MLC too, started thinking that last year when all of a sudden he bought motorcycle which we couldn't afford around his birthday (which was totalled in less than a year) and now this,, but the OW has been much longer than recently so I continue to find out, the more I find out the more I get disgusted, so I dont' think she is part of the MLC thing except he waited until now to tell me about her because they thought they had their plans set to have this happy life together is what I was told, but not quite working out that way

[LL44]

Hi mzul, and welcome. This is a wonderful place of support for anyone dealing with this pain. I am so glad you ordered some books (Not Just Friends, and DR were the best for me). You have gotten great advice, just wanted to welcome you. I'll try to keep up with your thread.

[MAZ]

Thank you for your welcome, crazy weekend here so haven't had much time to post, a lot going on with H and the OW this weekend, hopefully in my favor, OW is getting way too demanding of him in that she "told" him he needs to file divorce papers and start taking his money and dealing with the financial aspects of this,, H didn't care for that at all, she went through his cell phone while he was asleep (also not appreciated by H)H is not one that you"tell" what to do but H is starting to see some of what I've been telling him about her and told me last nite that he is going to tell her today that he has no intention of divorcing me so we'll see.

[MAZ]

Well H went to talk to OW yesterday afternoon about her demands to divorce me, won't tell me exactly what was said just "don't worry about it", but whatever was said was enough to push her over the edge. H was supposed to back at the house for dinner with the boys and I since he never showed the night before thanks to OW and called around dinner time saying he probably would be late. When asked why he proceeded to tell me that he talked with OW and when he dropped her back off, she went and downed a whole bottle of pills in an attempt to kill herself. Again showing H that she is a loose canon. according to H the pills would have killed her if she didn't go to the hospital, so she was admitted for at least overnite, supposedly 72 hrs. but we'll see, and OW told my H that if he leaves her to come back to me she will not EVER talk to him, txt him, email him, call him again (which I don't believe)and then told H that the next time she tries to kill herself she will succeed. This is getting to the point where I need to seriously worry about my family, if she is crazy enough to do all this what else will she do?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I suggest you do a little investigative work, and see if anyone by her name was admitted to any of the local hospitals in the area.

[MAZ]

I agree, I actually spoke with her ex last night and he indicated to me that this is not the first time she has pulled something like this,, and probably won't be the last. H won't listen to her ex though as she has H convinced he is nothing but a liar, mind you her ex was H best friend for 20 yrs+ and she managed to destroy that as well.