The Bumpy Road to Recovery

[Bagheera]

Greetings all,

It has been a few months since my Original Thread (started 12/06/07) where I talked about my own situation, so I thought I would check in and share a bit of the progress that my wife and I have made in improving our relationship.

Some time ago, someone on this forum wrote that the amount of time it would take to recover a broken marriage is on the order of one month for every one year of marriage: so for a 22 year marriage like mine, we are looking at an approximately two-year recovery time, and that's with BOTH partners on board and working to make things better. It's not an easy process, and the amount of old baggage to be sorted through (sometimes that you didn't even know was there) can be daunting. To get some help in this department, last February my wife and I began seeing a marriage counselor who is a certified individual, couples, and sex therapist, and we find ourselves utilizing him in all three capacities at times. I can't stress enough the important of finding the right counselor/therapist --> finding one who knows what the heck they're doing and who can remain a good advocate for BOTH points of view simultaneously is difficult, but doable if you shop around.

Last December when I posted, I reported on that glorious breakthrough day when my wife read Chapter 1 of The SSM and finally understood the vital connection between physical intimacy and emotional intimacy for a man. Well, this month it was my turn, and after a series of talks, I finally understood the vital connection between being a confident, masculine, and dominant male and attracting the sexual interests of my wife.

There is, of course, some irony here, as only recently i wrote:

In other words, women are attracted to and turned on by masculinity in the same way that men are attracted to and turned on by femininity. EDITED--ADVERTISING NOT ALLOWED.

This was not, however, the path the I had to walk.......

Oh, ho, but was I wrong. This is indeed a path that I have to walk, whilst removing this shoe from my mouth. As I talked about in Alimari's Thread, I apparently bought in to the calls for a sensitive, feeling, ever egalitarian man a bit too much with regard to my relationships with women. In a nutshell (and being a little bit facetious here), it turns out that the man the feminists cried out for on paper is not a man they would actually want to sleep with.

In reviewing the

EDITED--ADVERTISING NOT ALLOWED.

-related posts here on the board, the path that I have to walk is shorter than what some have had to take. I know myself, my purpose, and my goals. I proved my "manhood" to myself long ago, and am comfortable and confident within it. I married a strong, assertive woman, who, in turn, married a stronger, more assertive man --> and it's time that I stopped keeping him in check so much with regard to my relationship, both in and out of the bedroom.

Take care, all,

Bagheera