I don't know what to think of this

[AliSuddenly]

Dar, you reposted my post to you earlier, but you never answered ANY of my points. Did I offend you? Did you not have any answers for them? I have noticed that you are a little stubborn and fixed, you dont like to change or be told anything, like a true Aries! Its not really getting you anywhere though, is it? Yuo dont sound very convincing when you say...I am starting to (trying to) let him go so he can figure out life on his own, miss me, whatever. Pretty much for him to figure things out.

So...

Ali x

[Maya44]

Nutty,

Thanks for your post. It makes alot of sense. And I was thinking of not logging on while at work either because this is also a trigger for me.

Ali,

I reposted your post and put all of my answers directly behind your questions. I tried changing the color so they stood out, but it didn't work.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Those are just excuses Dar.

And you're letting your excuses justify your course of actions. You are enabling yourself.

Surely your will power is stronger than your desire. Or are you a person who is controlled by their wants?

Like the alcholic who blames all the liquor stores available on his way home from work.

If you cannot remove yourself from the proximity of temptation, at least be strong enough to resist it.

[Cinderellaman]

Hi Dar,

I haven't been to the boards for a while and logged on earlier and read your thread...I hesitated whether to write, but feel that maybe, just maybe it's best to write.

I haven't been here much, I've been really living my life and my PMA has increased tremendously...I have found peace and hapinness in places I never thought (no, I am not seeing anyone). My H is still around and he is trying hard to get into my good books again, but it doesn't affect me anymore. I just let him be, and I live my life the way I see fit.

I so hope that you will reach this point, it is a point where one feels free of the rollercoaster, as if I got off at some point and only once in a while do I see H passing by, living the 'weird' life !

I really do think that not coming to the boards so much helps with this, as does the NC ! I did it for a long time, and it has helped me detach so much. I still do not contact him if not absolutely nescesaary, and life has just become a joy to live again!

Keep praying and please, just try to live and let your H go.

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and you will make !!!!

Take care xxx

[Smurf_SMR]

I certainly advocate exerything that Cinders has said, I have had several forced breaks from the board.

The board can easily become your life, at the beginning this can be of help to our recovery, but it constantly focuses our attention on our situations.

There is still not a day goes by that I do not think of my wife, my son, my family, and what might have been.

The break though puts things into perspective, it allows us to take the focus away from the mess and onto ourselves. To recover.

But that was the stage as to where I am, and I am pleased that Cinders has got to that stage. We will all get there eventually and start healing, and become the people we were.

At the time I needed the board, I needed the friendships forged.
I remember reading the board all day at work, all night at home, read all the oldposts. It became too much.

We latch on to the snippets of information that gives us hope.

Its a phase, they will wake up oneday.
So we wait, and wait and wait some more. All the time focusing our attention on them.

Instead we should focus on ourselves.

You will all get to that stage eventually.

[Nutty Chick]

Smurf / Cinders I agree totally.

DBing can become all consuming as we look for answers, signs, reasons for behaviour … when often there are none.

Sometimes you get to a stage where you have to just switch off to keep sane.

It doesn’t mean you forget or that you don’t care, it means that you care enough for yourself to do whatever it takes to heal.

If you don’t value yourself and your own mental health why should anyone else?

Why should our H or W show us any consideration or respect if we don’t show ourselves any.

Nutty

[Maya44]

So I've made an appt to see a C. YEA!!! My appointment is for Thursday the 29th at 6:30p. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I hope it works out with her.

[Cinderellaman]

Good for you !!

I'll be praying that this will help you sweety.

[Maya44]

Thanks Cinders! I appreciate that.

[Maya44]

So H is compiling an email to send to me that will express all of what he's been feeling and thinking. I'm trying to have no expectations of this but I'm a bit nervous at the same time.

He said I would have it yesterday, but sprained his wrist on Sunday while with D so he's in quite a bit of pain right now. My heart beats faster just thinking of what this email is going to say.