WW is more quiet today than anything. She's been reading her book. Oh boy. DS16 looked at it and was pretty upset that it's about some woman that has an affair and "their passion set her free". That's another reason he told me we should just get a divorce. He thinks her reading crap like this will just make her think even more that having the affair was the right thing to do. Bout makes me want to puke. I've thought about calling her on the book, telling her how much it upsets DS16, but he doesn't want me to say anything and I think it would be just another sign to her I'm controlling.
Kind of snapped at me once and I called her on it and she kind of apologized. But a couple things last night that I failed to mention give me hope that more baby steps are happening. I was putting some jeans in the washer and I asked her if she had any jeans that needed washed. She said YES! Wow.....first time she hasn't said in an angry tone "I'll take care of it". Then I had put a pizza in the oven and the washer beeped so I was down stairs putting the jeans in the dryer and the oven beeped and WW actually got up and turned the oven off and took the pizza out for me!
Golly, it's just amazing that a couple little things that everyday people would think is NOTHING and I'm all excited because it shows WW may be making some small steps back towards me. Question is, can I wait long enough for her to actually make her way back to a point where she wants to try to really work on the marriage.
Oh well...more of the PMA. I'm thinking if her attitude stays the same this week I might try to initiate a little contact. Maybe just a shoulder squeeze or something. What do you guys think? What about calling her on the book and how it upsets DS16?
Last edited by Hope4us; 05/18/0807:03 PM.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Hey H4U - sorry I haven't been able to post in a while on your thread - I was (and still am I guess) in turmoil city.
I love the fact you got excited that she actually did something - I am with you on that. The other day, she did the laundry, all but mine! But today, when I was doing the laundry, she still had stuff and I washed it. I am not playing the bitter game.
Keep it up.
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Yesterday WW was quiet all day reading her book glorifying an affair. Didn't say anything to her about it as DS16 is pretty clear he doesn't want me to. And I did the DB thing and thought if I say something to her about it "is this going to get me closer to accomplishing my goals"?
I read "not just friends" for the second time over the last few days and to be honest, after reading it the second time, I'm not sure our marriage has a chance. I'm still going to give it my all, but I'm just not sure WW will EVER give me what I need to make this work given that she's still hanging on to the idea that she was justified in having the affair.
Even though she was quiet yesterday, it wasn't a bad day. I grilled out and when I went to bed I got another "goodnight" from her and DS16 wasn't in the room, so it wasn't for his benefit.
Anyone watch Desperate Housewives? There were a couple of times where there were some (as Pup would say) truth darts in there that made me smile. I'm hoping that WW was paying attention and possibly they had some additional affect, but I doubt it.
I'm just going to keep looking for the baby steps and keep up my PMA and see what happens while keeping an eye on my July deadline for any progress.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
I'm thinking if her attitude stays the same this week I might try to initiate a little contact. Maybe just a shoulder squeeze or something. What do you guys think? What about calling her on the book and how it upsets DS16?
Thought I'd post these couple questions from my previous post. Didn't get a response from my old reliables (you know who you are!) so I thought I'd hit it again to see if I'd get a response.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
I haven't figured out "quoting" yet, but anyway, I think you answered your own question when you said your son doesn't want you to say anything about it. At least I wouldn't right now.
As for the shoulder squeeze..are you not touching at all? My H doesn't mind if I rub his shoulder, his neck, touch his arm, pat his backside. Maybe he just likes to be touched. I would think a subtle touch would be fine, perhaps touching her waist as you move by each other in the kitchen, bathroom...you get the idea. I think the shoulder squeeze is more deliberate and may not come off as you hope. Just my opinion but lately, what do I know? kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Anyone watch Desperate Housewives? There were a couple of times where there were some (as Pup would say) truth darts in there that made me smile.
I did, my sister came over to watch it with me and she actually said a little after the start, does it seem like now that you are having "marital difficulty" that every show is about that?
I loved the scene at the end where Tom told the 2 gay guys that if they were willing to give up over an ice sculpture that they shouldn't get married, because marriage isn't easy and if you better be able to make it through the little problems because eventually the %^#$ will hit the fan and if you can't say "this is still worth it" then it isn't worth the bother.
He was a little more eloquent.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
I watched Housewives too, and it's funny b/c I haven't watched it all year or much of anything, but I think that show was very cool last night! And what's the deal with the new husband at the end???? I loved that part about Tom too--so wonderful and romantic--someday I would love my H to realize that, too!
H4U, I agree & wouldn't mention the book. I had a similar experience when my H was reading the "Good Divorce" book in front of me and then left it in my car for a few days. I have to wonder if he was doing that to get a rise or reaction out of me!! I think so, but I didn't give in--just ignored him! I think they want a negative reaction out of us sometimes, so I like to thwart him and not give it to him. I'm evil in my own nice way I think! Karen
H4U, we are not in the same boat. Your WW seem to have ended her A. I have started to do the more touching thing. Not getting a negative reaction. A little touch on her hip as I pass. A touch of her elbow when saying goodbye. Pretend to take lint off of her shirt. Maybe try to move her hair out of her eye or something. I am trying these things, but she has not acted like your S. She has never ignored my goodnights or things like that.
Not sure if it is time in your sitch. Hard for us to tell, not seeing how cold it is in your house, at times.
And noticing the little things. Crazy isn't it. Things the untrained eye wouldn't notice.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
But today, when I was doing the laundry, she still had stuff and I washed it. I am not playing the bitter game.
I think so, but I didn't give in--just ignored him! I think they want a negative reaction out of us sometimes, so I like to thwart him and not give it to him. I'm evil in my own nice way I think!