Wading with Water wings - 23 years...

[Sara]

They must be feeling pretty guilty if this is their idea of intimidation. Let's keep in mind who is actually doing something wrong here.

[CBK]

Ha, made me laugh with the doorbell thing.

Even though I feel a tinge of guilt about the call, I keep asking myself when am I going to stand up and fight, and maybe that was it. Their world is crubmling - I don't feel bad about that. I may have driven her into his arms, but he is married and maybe that was his wakeup call. Either way, that is there choice. My choice is now to mend and heal. I have been beating myself up daily, obsessing daily, etc. No more Sara - I am done with that. Will I slip now and then, I am sure I will, but I don't ever want to be where I was - that was pure misery!

CBK

[Sara]

It's hard. The feeling of rejection by your own spouse. It's a bitter pill to take. I never thought I would care so much. I could walk through my house and imagine the walls and ceiling cracked and sagging as if the house had been hit by an earthquake. I don't know if my husband ever really understood how it shook me and made me feel vulnerable. The obsession is normal, unpleasant, but normal.

[CBK]

You are right about that - basically hearing I want to be with somebody, not just you... cuts right to the heart.

Actually slept fairly well last night, only woke up once, pretty good for me, so got about 5 hours!

For the first time, I had a great dream last night, that WAW came back to R! I have only had nightmares, really bad ones about a murder in my house killing my family - IC said that the murder was the OM - I would wake myself up screaming my WAW's name. So this was a welcome change. Of course, when I did wake up in the middle of the night, I thought about her and how much I miss her. Even is she chooses to no work on the R, I will continue to work on me and R. I do think for the first time yesterday, she is realizing what she is walking out on and what she is losing.

We shall see what happens. I haven't really "talked" to her since Friday when she left, and that was arguing. I really haven't missed it as for the last few weeks, it was so difficult talking to her, so strained, I had to watch everything thing I said around her. Neither of us were healing.

CBK

[Puppy Dog Tails]

CBK,

I think you're doing just fine.

The first real step of this process, I believe, is to get REAL with yourself and your situation -- to not "self-delude." You have done that IN SPADES. You obviously have a very sincere desire to learn, to grow, and to do whatever is necessary for yourself and your kids, and I admire the heck out of that.

I agree with just about everything you've gleaned from your weekend reading, and it's why I encouraged you to do it. Sometimes we get so caught up in the trees, that we can no longer see the forest clearly.

I do think there is some "trouble in paradise" caused by your mini-confrontation of the phone call, and it's why I'm so pro-exposure. Affairs are, at the core, built on deceit and fantasy, and confrontation and exposure bursts both of those twin bubbles.

Puppy

[CBK]

Thanks Puppy. I was way to wrapped up into fixing the now, trying to change too much too fast and thinking she would just fall back into my arms. But alas, that didn't happen, she kept drifting away.

We will see what happens. Although MC hasn't been our cup of tea, I will go this week and see what WAW has to say. I need to come up with my plan, getting there and will post later in the week.

CBK

[hopeful4her]

CBK, I took a couple of days off. Like Puppy said, these boards have a tendancy to get addicting.

WOW, again. Funny to see some virtual pushing and shoving going on. Talk about emotions running high. I come here to vent, to journal my daily life. I put down thoughts. We should be able to come here and do this and not get constantly clobbered. People mean well, however. Like you, I just take it in and keep all the advise inside of my head and try to do what I think is best.

I have been where you are in your thinking. Obsession is the only way to describe it. We have all gone through it. As much as we tell others, even tell ourselves, that we are not thinking about WW or OM, we are. I don't believe that we CAN stop. It's when we let it affect our daily lives and routines, that we have to do something about it. That is what the GALing and detaching is for.

Been told a hundred times that I'm doing this or doing that. I know I should stop doing some of them, but I don't. Not sure why. Something I struggle with. We struggle with.

Be well.

I rooted for the Lakers. Now its time for the Spurs to do thier part tonight. I should go out and watch the game at a friends, or at a bar, but I'm not. Gonna watch from the comfort of home. That's where my family is.

[CBK]

Hey H4H -

Good timing on your post, I just popped in as I my mind was wondering.

I was okay with the clobberings the other day - I felt bad that I may tend to journal too much and folks see that I am ignoring advice, but I was totally consumed and obsessed with OM and WAW since the B dropped. I had good days and bad days. I have to say though, I have felt better since WAW moved to her mom's - the big question I will need to deal with is if she wants to come back, she told the kids this was only temporary, will find out when I get home today as she has Monday's off - will see how much of her clothes are gone. I feel bad for the kids as they see this happen - they shouldn't have too even at their age.

I still don't know how you do it with WAW sleeping with you, I don't know if that would have hurt or helped my sitch, maybe helped as at least I would see her and be able to sneak a touch in every know and then.

I will be cheering on the Spurs tonight - may go to a friends house, but since WAW is out, I may just hang with S19 and watch. Need to get to the gym first though to the store to pick up my clothes as I had to get them all tailored!

Hope you are doing well - my roller coaster ride continues, but right now the valley's aren't as low as they were last week.

CBK

[daybyday]

hey cbk,

i also took a few days off. i think w moving out was inevitable and would have served You better had it happened sooner. but now that it is here you forced to detach. turnarounds can happen dude. my w recommitted at mc on friday. just kind of came out of blue. so, although your sitch is going to take longer, keep pressing on. she will come to her senses someday soon and bam she'll be back. if w hadnt recommit i would have ben happy with sep. its almost too hard while two distant spouses are in same house. neither gets the chance to regroup, think clearly etc. so this is for the best RIGHT NOW. so as all the other good posters have already said, get your head together, figure out your plan and attack. good luck, i'm rooting for us all....

[CBK]

DBD - glad you are back on. You W recommitted!? That is great. God how I hope that will happen, but as I get my plans into place, I need to be fine no matter the outcome.

As you know, until my WAW can walk away from the A (EA right now), then it will be impossible - that is what I am getting ready for. Prepare for the worse case scenario, then if a positive step happens, it will be much more pronounced.

I will check your thread out later.

CBK