Wandering Poster - Sweet 16?

[Virtually_Handsome]

Hey Jeff, I think you are doing great. I think you are starting to realize that this marriage as it is, is not what you want. You have begun taking care of you and that is very important and it seems to me that you havent done that in a long time.

Quite true.

We all know that small, consistent changes are what is needed and are what eventually get noticed. I think that if you get yourself mentally and physically healthy it will be better for everyone in the long run.[/quote/
They might get noticed, they might not. I'm doing it for me. If I believe the scale this morning, I'm down about 5 pounds in five weeks. I'm pretty pleased with that!

[quote=beginnersmind]I think you have started some really great 180's for yourself. All your fans on this thread are anxious for you to start the first day of the rest of your life. I think we all want so much for you that we are anxious for you to get started.

Me too!

Your wife obviously has some huge issues. My h is a control freak and it is very difficult to try to live up to their standards. I really think it is impossible to do so. I know that my h feels very out of control when it comes to his feelings - expressing them and living with them.

I think you have hit the nail on the head, here. It seems that the standards are a moving target. I'm sure she doesn't think so, but it feels that way to me! The only feelings she seems capable of expressing to me are anger and resentment.

I think we can assume your wife is not happy. I really have to believe that she cannot be happy living as she is. So, what to do about it. Well, you cant make someone happy, they have to find it themselves. Perhaps you could take away some of the things that stress her out, thereby making her world more tolerable. And I really think that happy begets happy. It often has a ripple effect.

I'm trying to do this. In some ways I really don't think she CAN be happy. That's not my responsibility. It does become my problem, since I get to live with it.

I have to say, I do feel that you walk on eggshells around the situation. I can understand why. It is scary to think that if you do something, your family unit might end. But there comes a point where you do not want to spend years waiting, hoping for change. There comes a time when you have to act and change the status quo. When your w sees that you are moving forward with your life, she might start to think about what it is she really wants.

Yep, been walking on eggshells for years. That's my fault, I never realized it. I've always "blamed" her. I accepted it, and let it happen. That makes it really hard to change. You are right, I am not wanting to wait for things to change, because that is not going to work. I should have known that years ago. I think you are right, I need to show that I am moving forward. how is a bit of a trick. I can SAY anything I want, she's seen all that before. I have to DO.

So my friend, continue to GAL, get healthy, and soul search. And when you are ready, start your life. Go for it. Life is short and you deserve to have happiness and lightness.

Thank you ((((((((((Donna))))))))))!

I think you have really hit on the crux of the whole situation. I haven't taken responsibility for myself, and my situation. And know I don't know how. Though with the help of all of you, I am starting to see the way.