Hi Karen and Jasmine. You really have hit the mark here.
DBing is about you growing and becoming a whole person. Something happens in a household that affairs happen and Michele needs to strengthen you to survive that, DBing is her therapy for that.
Sometimes, people DB so well that the spouse notices and ops to return, sometimes they don't.
The DBing is for YOU, to survive the affair, to grow as a person, and to ensure there is no doubt in your mind about whether you made the wrong choice by leaving too early.
It can take a very long time for spouses to turn around and notice your changes. Believe me there are doubts in their mind about leaving, they just want to live both lives as long as they can.
The visual results of DBing take place long after the emotional ones. The first thing DBing will plant is a seed of doubt in your spouse's mind about leaving...you will not likley see that visibly. That doubt will eat away at him for a long time.
When I challenged my wife about her affair, she was resolved to leave and run off with him, she didn't care if I lived or died. She did go to see him and spent weekends with him. She never moved out, that was over a year and a half ago.
A year and a half later and now she's talking with our marriage counsellor, making her own appointments with our MC, seeing the MC individually, she's promised not to make any trips south of the border (the OM lives in the US). She still hasn't moved out, she hasn't packed a single box.
Its been 1.5 years of DBing to get this man out of my home and he's still coming in here daily. But I honestly believe I have planted some doubt in her mind. Is it worth it?
Its worth it because I have grown SO MUCH in the last 1.5 years. Even if my wife walks out that door, I will survive, and I will be a MUCH BETTER husband for someone because of all the work I have done. Do I want her to leave? No.
I can be confident about my worth as a husband. I can walk out that door and know I will make one hell of a husband next time. When you get to the end of DBing you will want your spouse to stay, but it won't frighten you at all if they leave. DBing is about survival and strength, not statistics. It DOES work,not every time, but it's the best game in town.
I am more than satisfied with DBing and I will keep doing it, becuase of it's impact on ME. DBing isn't about your husband, its about how it helps YOU. Your husband may join you some day. But focus on you and you becoming the greatest person you can be. That's what DBing is for.
My wife is turning me into one hell of a man for someone one day. Why would I want to stop doing that?
