Thanks for your responses. Here's a little more info. about the affair to answer your questions. OW's divorce was final Friday. The affair with my H was the second one in her 3.5 year marriage. The first affair began before her one-year anniversary and lasted a little over a year. So, yeah, unless she undergoes a drastic change, she'll be moving on to someone else sooner or later (probably sooner). My H's parents are dead, and he told one cousin he sees a few times a year that we're separated, but he has told no other relatives and he is not close to his family. So there's really no one to whom to expose the affair.
As far as being either passive or aggressive about the affair: I suppose I tend toward the passive. The primary reason for this is because I'm a Christian, and I want to let this thing run its course and give the marriage a chance to be restored. My H knows I do not believe in divorce (although I realize it is biblical to divorce for adultery). Knowing my H like I do, I think that aggressive behavior on my part would push him to pursue a divorce. Because OW has only been back in our town for a few months, I think they are in a sort of honeymoon period, so she looks perfect (or pretty close to it) to him right now. He has also told me that she has pushed him to make a decision (divorce me or not), so I feel like I may be better off not pressuring him or trying to discuss the affair or our relationship. My H still has not said we will divorce, continues to pay all our bills, is talking with me about my homeschool plans for the next school year, etc., so my plan right now is to lay low and be pleasantly detached from the situation as much as possible.
As far as dating: I will not do that for lots of reasons. To me, dating would be an adulterous action to take, it wouldn't be fair to my children to confuse them by me going out with a man who isn't their father (they are small and of course know nothing of the affair), it wouldn't be fair to a guy to date him while I'm married, etc. And I realize that should my marriage end, I will have alot of trust issues and other things to deal with on my own before I pursue a romantic relationship with anyone. I've been with my H since I was 16. First date, first boyfriend, first everything. I can't bounce from this relationship to another one without some serious reflection and resting time.
Thanks again for responding. It's so nice to have a place to turn where everyone understands what you're going through.
