My friend who has the cabin has been a great resource to me as we, and our Hs, seem to have had to deal with almost identical situations. After 10 months of separation, he moved back in. When we were trying to figure out if we could come up, I said, "well, H and I get along well enough that he could come up, too. Then I think we could make it, otherwise I don't think they could." She was adamant that he wasn't invited and not because she didn't like him but because he pulled that crap on Mother's Day and a week later I'm rewarding him. She's right.
So, do I go to Tahoe w/out them? Or spend the Monday with them?
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09