Don't you think it tends to work best when "confrontational" is NOT the betrayed spouse's natural style? When it represents a "180" for them?
I tend to think that if the person is normally a strong, perhaps even "controlling" person anyway, then maybe it's not advised, but that when the person has been passive, maybe it works best?
You have seen both sides; is there any correlation?
Puppy
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Great Question.
In real life, I'm a physical scientist, and I know I did not validate the method and did not take data against a control.
So you get my feeling about my experience of what I've seen here. Of course, that's pretty much always the type of 'data' you see here (unless it's from Michele)....but I'm geeky enough to qualify my opinion today here.
I think shock value for a 180 can increase the chance of success.
I think more than the style or the closer to a 180 it is for the LBS, is the style and timing and mindset of where the WAS is...and the LBS ability to read it.
ON a personal note....
I've been paying attention to your posts. While we don't agree, my respect for you is high. You are committed to helping. And presenting another option.....you commit to helping IMPROVE the marriage, which is different from others with whom, I prejudgingling categorized you. For that I apologize.
While I don't agree with every point, especially for a newbie, you really do give very good advice, and advice many need to hear. I'm glad you're on the board.
I put it here (sorry to highjack) because I know you'll be on this thread.
peace and all good sg
Thanks, SG. I do try to provide a perspective that's at least a little different, but mostly I try to nudge toward what is MISSING in any given sitch. If someone is too passive, and allowing their wayward spouse to cake-eat, boundary-free, then yes, I can be pretty rough and advocate a strong stance. But if I see a "WTF", anti-marriage attitude, or a meanspiritedness, I will advocate a more loving approach, and to give grace.
