There were so many times that I thought he wouldn't come back home. It was a mask he wore when he was over here, you know the happy mask. As time went on I knew he was not happy.
I do know that my H did try to get all 3 of his brothers to talk to the ow. They all did but said that they thought she was crazy and only did it once because he was there brother. My H also introduced her to my S and some of our friend. That didn't go over to well either!!
Cinders - the dead eyes are awful and they remember so little . . . my h has said things and not only denied saying them but acccusd me of making them up!
They try and foist the OP onto everyone, calling it 'normal', and get very aggrieved with people who don't want to buy in. For a variety of reasons they are trying on a new lifestyle, and want everyone to accept this. Deep down so many of them are very uncertain about what they are doing. They feel trapped, and instead of making the inward journey, which is what MLC requires, they externalise their problems.
"They try and foist the OP onto everyone, calling it 'normal', and get very aggrieved with people who don't want to buy in."
Gosh, so many of them do but my H has never done that, thank God!
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Cinders - the dead eyes are awful and they remember so little . . . my h has said things and not only denied saying them but acccusd me of making them up!
They try and foist the OP onto everyone, calling it 'normal', and get very aggrieved with people who don't want to buy in. For a variety of reasons they are trying on a new lifestyle, and want everyone to accept this. Deep down so many of them are very uncertain about what they are doing. They feel trapped, and instead of making the inward journey, which is what MLC requires, they externalise their problems.
A
See, this is why I so love reading your posts...you seem to know exactly what it's all about, and you can verbalize it beautifully and so accurately.
Reading what you wrote, would have to mean that my H is in ABSOULUTE and DEEP denial of his problems, for he acts and says that THIS (with ow) is the life he wants and always wanted.
I'm sorry - I think I'm analyzing too much today. Just feeling very emotional and left out.
Here I sit crying over a man that I love deeply. Yet he is introducing his great love to his parents at this very moment. How pathetic is that of me? Oh well...
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Cinders [apologies for the threadjack YR] Goodness, you would be totally abnormal if you were not sad. that is what my therapist kept telling me. It is NORMAL to feel sad, and abnormal not to mourn your marriage. Weep for what you have lost, it is part of healing. It is only is you have no other emotions than sadness that you should worry!
We are changing, growing and healing. Your h is trying out this new life, and is convincing himself it is what he wants. It may satisfy him for a while, but reconciling his roles gets harder.
Cinders, it is OK to weep. To deny ourselves the right to grieve is dangerous. A
Angelica, you are right, sadness is a part of this process too.
(PS, sorry for the hijack YR!)
I do often feel that a lot of my pain also lies in the fact that H does not seem to miss ANYTHING of what we shared and had in those 18 years ! I feel as if it meant nothing to him in retrospect. How can a person not mourn or miss what they shared with another person for so many years....????
It pains me to think about it.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I'm jumping on the threadjacking bandwagon but think it is appropriate!
Cinders, I know what you mean about the crying. I'd reached a point where I didn't want to grieve anymore but also knew that you can't just choose when to stop grieving. Anyhow I've started seeing a homeopathist for another complaint (which was a BIG thing for me being in the pharmacy profession!). I didn't expect to get a counselling session but I did. Not only is she treating me for the complaint I engaged her for but also for the 'sadness'. She is treating me with flower essences.
Now I am VERY sceptical but had reached a point with my presenting complaint that I had tried everything the medical world could offer me (short of a hysterectomy) hence why I went down this route. BUT I have been astonished. I can't tell you whether the preparations she gives me for my presenting complaint are working but I can tell you that I think the flower essences are working on my grief. Don't get me wrong I have cried but what was so astonishing is that I can vividly remember sitting crying and then quickly recovering and then thinking 'but I want to cry some more' and couldn't!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even if she doesn't solve my presenting complaint it will have been worth the money to alleviate the grief!
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Cinders... I am so with you...they appear to make it look like they could care less that our M is over...I have been with my H for 30 years....I am mourning the loss...I do feel the pain...I cry, I scream...I pray...and when H calls my son he is so happy and cheerful it makes me sick....they want us to go away...but...surprise...we're not...I don't know if you read what I wrote about what my D15 texted me the other night...
I was apologizing for everything she is having to go through and this is what she said.... "mom it's not your fault....you were the perfect wife but dad couldn't handle it...so he had to go out and find someone equally as low as he is...he knew he didn't deserve you, so you're really gaining something...realizing who is true in your life, while he is losing everything""
All this from a 15 year old child who my H says doesnt understand relationships and he'll explain it to her when she gets older..wow....makes ya wonder....they reallyd don't have a brain right now...
I'm so glad I have all you to vent to....it truly helps some of the pain..
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
